#though to myself “so great that spn exists” | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

keagan-ashleigh · 2 years ago

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✨HIIIIIII newcomers from Twitter✨

So, on Twitter I've seen a screenshot of a tumblr post with a whole list of rules that are - I'm sorry for using crude words but - bullshit, for the most part. So I was thinking, hey. Why not make a "how does tumblr works" with actually useful stuff in it. A non exhaustive list though, cause I haven't all night.

Introducing myself quickly first: I'm Keagan, I'm on Tumblr since 2012 (Twitter user since 2013), I have seen the best and the worst, I've been there for the first mishapocalypse, the great Sherlock s4 depression, and I was here when dicks and boobs where roaming the website freely and when the anti-boobs bot flagged everyone randomly. I took a sort of sabbatical after 2017 bc of the Sherlock depression, and the fandom kinda falling apart, and also bc I have a irl life that started to get interesting around that time, but I still came back regularly from time to time until now.

I know how this goddamn website works and I know why we call it the blue hellsite. I've been here since the dawn of ti- no, lol, i'm joking. :')

I started off as an aesthetic blog, then it quickly turned into a social justice/aesthetic/spn fandom blog, and this blog you see this post in is my fandom side blog, the one that saw the birth of my Sherlock obsession and the beginning of my fanartist/fanfic writer carreer. This hellsite saw my queer awakening. It saw me bloom and gain in confidence and self love. It taught me love, patience, pain, and the absurd.

So. Now that's done, let's go. Those are random things in no particular order.

In case you worry about Tumblr being very different than Twitter: yes it is different but surprisingly it's actually not that different.

Any of the following points, you will figure out easily anyway by yourself, Tumblr is actually pretty simple to understand and use, and you'll catch on quickly on the little things that makes it Tumblr, the "etiquette" and all.

For the most part: you can do whatever the fuck you want, no one cares (except dumb people I guess). But do we truly need to remind people not to be assholes with others ? Don't be rude. Duh

- One thing that Tumblr post I was talking about got right is: likes don't matter in terms of visibility, reblogs are more important. Likes are a comment more than a booster. So if you want to boost a posts' visibility, esp art and fics : reblog it.

- On the other hand you won't gain much visibility if you don't get people to reblog you, and honestly while existing here is pretty easy, you'll still have better chances at being visible if you reach people. I'm on a lot of SM and here is still the easiest though so don't worry.

- You can definitely scream into the void, like, it was made for it, this is shitpost paradise

- You can add dumb & insignificant comments to posts like "omg same" or "this is so true" - literally no one cares.

- And no one cares how you call your mutuals, moots, oomfies, pals, friendz, besties, mutts, - no one.

- We do use tone indicators here too. And there's plenty room to write the full words so it's not an obligation but a suggestion from me: sometimes it's less confusing to just say "i'm half joking" than /hs.

- But you can shorten words as you like, it doesn't matter. If twitter got you used to shorten words do shorten words, no worries.

- Your Tumblr experience is closely tied to who you choose to follow or block - you can curate your dashboard/timeline just like you do on Twitter, this is pretty similar. You can and should protect yourself from unsafe people anywhere. That's basic internet safety. Don't overthink this please, if someone is making you feel unsafe and bad, it is your place: block people.

The moderation here is not that bad but not ideal. So please use all the ways you need to make this place safe for you, and don't hesitate to call for people's help. This is a social media based on community. Don't let people trick you into thinking you are wrong for blocking people - or for calling unsafe people out. We have always done that here. We protect and support each other, ok? Good.

- You can follow hashtags, pretty much like on Instagram. In my opinion it's not always working well but you can.

- You can't bookmark posts, you'll have to put in your drafts the stuff you want to check later. And you'll likely forget them there so tell them goodbye as you go.

Eheh 🥲 (good thing i don't know how many tweets i have saved for later 😂)

You can make yourself a "read later" tag too. A tag that you're likely never gonna check either 🥹 Not so different than the Twitter bookmarks, you see.

- When you sign in, you create your main blog. The main blog - consider it like your account if you like - is linked to your profile, if you delete the main blog you delete your profile. You can create as many side blogs (side accounts) as you like (without using another email) and you can delete them without deleting your main account.

Sadly you still can't switch main blog and side blog to link your profile to a side blog, which I have been screaming for since this side blog became my main blog years ago 🥲🤌 this is my own "make tweets editable" cry

- If you're not familiar with blogs and how to personalise them, don't worry, there's a lot of themes you can choose that are simple to use, and the hardest thing you'll have to do is choose colors you like. If it looks hard, there is a ton of resources to help you, and most people will help you if you ask them (I will, honestly don't hesitate to hit the ask button).

Note that you do not have to touch it actually, it's just like your living room, some like it carefully decorated, others leave it at its most basic form, still usable. There is no obligation whatsoever. It's fun though.

If you like coding, you can edit the blog's code or make your own theme, which is pretty cool, I've learned some html modifying mine.

- You can ask stuff, anonymously or not, hitting the ask button on people's blogs. They will answer by a post, they can make it public. There is also a private direct messaging thingy.

- Tags work similarly than Twitter, meaning if you click on "#spn" you will see all things tagged spn - simple. There is some sorts of trends though it's not exactly the same as Twitter obviously.

But they are different in the sense that they serve also for organisational purpose: they are used to identify what's in the post, so that you can navigate blogs more easily. It's more like labelling your Tupperwares so you find them easily in your kitchen, you know what I mean ? The tags are also labels. The tagging system is also important when you set your blog up. You can put tags in the post but that's useless, the tag section is there for it.

- You can check on my blog (on web not app) to visualise it: you can add tabs and pages to your blogs: for example, let's say you want people to find your fanfics easy: you tag all your fanfic posts "fanfic"; on web, when you click then on the tag from your blog, you will have an url with "tagged/fanfic" at the end, you take that and when you create a new page on your blog (it's well explained how to do that in the settings), you use that url to create your tab. Sounds a bit complicated, just said like that, maybe but I promise it's simple. So you see the tagging system is useful to organise your blog.

You can also make pages to add information, like you would do with a carrd or a pinned tweet, you see. (You can pin a post here too). You can make it an "about me" page, or a list of your main tags, etc, whatever you like.

- Side note about tags: if you click a tag from your dashboard, you'll see all posts linked to this tag. If you click the tag from your blog, you will see all the posts you have reblogged or written - the ones that are present on your blog.

- You can communicate stuff in the tags, it's a whole extra expression space. Typically people use it to add comments they don't want people to reblog, personnal additions, remarks, rants, jokes, etc... There is no rule about not commenting whatever you like on posts but that extra space is often used for all kind of reasons.

The only thing is that back then the op wasn't notified for tags, it was pretty much a silent thing betweet you and your followers, now you can see all of them in the post's notes and notifications. So beware what you say, obviously don't be rude, and don't be alarmed if people answer to your tags, it's not so silent and discreet anymore. I kinda like reading people's tags on my posts but I prefered when mine weren't visible by everyone, to be honest lol

There is a character limit on tags, you can't actually add essays but you can write a lot (trust me). And as the comma and quotation marks "activates" the tag and separates them you can't write commas and quotation marks in the tags - I personally replace them with - or ; and ' when needed. It's something to get used to.

- Again on tags: typically, you put trigger warnings in the tags (though you'll see often posts starting with the tw, you can add both, just add them I guess), you can specify "personal" and "don't reblog" to warn people you'd like a cup of tea /i . And, not everyone does it but personally I appreciate when people tag the spoilers and specific themes, shows, characters or ships, so I can hide the posts marked with that tag.

- When tags are blocked you can still see the masked post show up in your dash, with its tags visible, which honestly is perfect bc you often get context in case you want to block words in certain contexts and not others, and if you block stuff momentarily (like spoilers) - you can still save the post to read it later without having to do it with your eyes closed.

- About discourse : of course there's discourse here, there's call out posts too, there's shit and obnoxious people just like everywhere else, don't come here with the idea that it's a heavenly place where everything is pretty and safe from all things annoying. There's discourse here too. There's bullying here too. About all sorts of subjects. (I've seen the queer slur discourse here like DAYS ago). There's shitty people here too. That's internet, contrary to what a certain post said, that's unescapable. And sure that's annoying but that's a fact of life - now you can shield yourself as much as possible by blocking people but honestly don't expect your experience to be way way different than Twitter in that aspect. Maybe less right wing old dudes bc Tumblr doesn't host the same démographic, though there was a nazi problem for a while, I don't know if they're still here tbqh, but that's overall not much much better, let's be honest.

- On your left, old time resident mr Neil Gaiman - but he answers "wait and see" to everything. /j

- Speaking of celebs, there isn't as many on Tumblr (it's said some have secret blogs but shhh 🤫), but there is often ask & answer events that are announced at the top of the dash.

- You won't be penalised for using certain words (even die or dead, the "unalive" wave doesn't crash on this shore), and you can put links if you like, even cashapp, kofi, paypal, etc, there's virtually nothing that will make you invisible in people's dashboards.

The only way you'll get shadowbanned here is if the Tumblr bots think you're a bot or a porn blog. Learn more here.

- But until recently, sorry there's a but, since the great "no tits" debacle, there's a bot that flagged your nuddity posts and it was so hilariously flawed omg (it flagged fucking DUNES I will never forget ahah) - anyway when they flag your post they hide it and you can make an appeal if needed, but honestly I don't think as much problem occured with it since a long while, that thing improved with time and the good thing is you can post artistic tits again! o/ yay

- There's virtually no character limit - there is one, but you'll need to write a long time until you hit it lol (I did once).

- Therefore : threads don't mean the same here. Here threads are successions of multiple people's comments. It makes for some interesting (and often hilarious) participative posts. Because there is no need here to cut your text into small posts, unless you are writing your memoirs or some shit. Look how much I've written already. 🫲Twitter could never. And if posts are long, you can add a "read more" button so it doesn't mean you have to scroll through gigantic blocs of text in your dash. and in the settings you can make long posts look shorter in your dash automatically.

- Related: threads aren't the same, you can't reblog/retweet a post that's in the middle of a thread. I mean, on Twitter you can RT the 1st tweet of the thread, or the 3rd, RT a reply easily - and in your TL only this one tweet appears - you can't really do that here. First of all here there is comments (or captions) and replies, those are not the same. If you want to reblog someone's comment to a post, you'll have to reblog it from their blogs - doable but honestly a bit tedious. And you will always reblog the last answer and all the ones that comes before. You reblog whole conversations, see.

So when you scroll through dash, you WILL experience mini heart attacks when seeing the 1st lines of some posts until you see the arguments that are closer to your moral standards - meaning you'll often see posts that are "shitty comment" then ten replies until you see the ones that says "wtf, it's shitty" - you need to endure the whole thing until you see stuff you agree with ahah, trust me this is FUN

- Here you don't livetweet, you liveblog. Otherwise it's the same. I'm sad I can't do both at the same time but it's equally fun on twitter and tumblr, especially for ESC.

- Like Tumblr said on Twitter: if you scroll your dash long enough you will have seen all of your friends posts. Yes.

- You can make your experience a lot better with the New XKit extension. Explaining it would take a whole ass post of its own so I'm not going to do that here but they have an account here where they explain everything, give updates and answer questions. I can only suggest to give it a look once you're familiar with how Tumblr works without it and with what doesn't work well.

- You can edit posts. You can schedule posts. Take it in 😌

You can edit them and actually - WOW - civilisation hasn't collapsed and bad people still can be held accountable for their shitty comments! Like on Facebook and Instagram too. Let it happen on Twitter, let it be the one good thing that'll happen amidst that awful chaos.

There's a twist though: you can edit your post, sure, but if someone reblogged the post before you could edit it, there will be two versions of your post in the wild. It can be a little bit frustrating. One way to avoid that: let your big and important posts sit in the drafts for a while so you can fix it before publishing it. An advice I never seem to follow.😬

- You can also change text size, font, put it in bold, italic, colour, you can make it gradiant like in Skyblog's most glorious hours, etc, and yes you can put alt text on pictures. You can add links or pictures in the middle of a post - I mean those are blog posts, so 🤷‍♀️

- The app is shit though ☆(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ* (to be fair not as much as a few years back, honestly, but still, not ideal)(I'm using the app 🥲)

- And you can't translate posts easily, which tbh I think is a big flaw

- Tumblr is flawed but fun and it can be better, the updates are always shit, but it has well intentions and a nice staff.

I guess there's a lot of other stuff to say but honestly we've covered the main things to know and more. All the "rules" and "etiquette" you will learn as you go, Tumblr is no rocket science, it's simple and fun, it's a meme goldmine, great community experience. There's not real rules, you can use that site however you want, no one cares, nothing is serious, have fun, don't let people gatekeep this place with bs rules, build your space as you like, make it look like you. Welcome 👋

Edit: here is a post giving a tour of the settings + some reco about Xkit

#psa #my posts #tumblr #for twitter newcomers #twitter exodus

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arsonistsam · 2 years ago

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Deanbenny for the ship ask game <33

Why do I surround myself with people who have ulterior ship motives? I’m up for anything so I’m gonna answer both

Ship it

1. I ship it because I find the whole foxhole companions/shield brothers dynamic really interesting and I think Benny is an important person to Dean whether that be as a friend, family member, or romantically.

2. I like how it is used to bridge the reality of purgatory vs the reality of the above world. While DeanBenny is not something that only exists in purgatory necessarily, there is definitely a marked change in how they interact once they are out.

3. My unpopular ship is that I think people are more likely to take an interest in Benny than some of the other characters (most notable Characters of color) that Dean could possibly be shipped with. I don’t think that’s the majority and it’s not just something I think of for Dean and Benny.

Don’t ship it

1. I’m not so interested in their relationship beyond the confines of the season. Benny is not necessarily a character I feel like I wish there was more of, I enjoy him but I don’t dream of a better plot for him.

2. I’m not sure if there’s anything that would have made me like it. I wish they had expanded on Benny’s Cajun culture because, to me, that is very different from the prominent culture within spn. That’s less about the ship though and more about Benny. I would have liked to see more of the conflict between Benny, Dean , and Sam as well.

3. The dedication that people have put into this ship is just- in the highest honor. The art people make, you yourself included, is incredible. I like the moments between Dean and Benny and I think they’re also a great way to drive the plot forward. I love the messiness I love the feuding, I like the drama.

#asks

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jaceyneedsabetterusername · 4 years ago

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Files

Pairings: Sam Winchester x Reader

Trope: Enemies to lovers @serenityhayato ( WRITTEN FOR @negans-lucille-tblr‘s SPN FIC EXCHANGE )

Warnings: Death of a friend, Canonical Gore (werewolf attack), Cursing, Smut (rough Sam, light choking, hand job, oral if you squint- male receiving, unprotected sex), Probably sex at inappropriate times if I’m being honest

Word Count: 7500 (I am so sorry I didn’t realize until I went to post this that it had a 3k word limit… this was definitely my bad but I’ve spent a week writing this and really didn’t want to scrap the whole thing to fit the word limit. I didn’t realize how carried away I got in the set up)

A/N: I have never written anything for Sam before, much less smut, but I wanted to give it a shot. I’m sorry if it’s totally OOC. I was trying to go off the knowledge that he’s canonically pretty rough in bed. I also couldn’t imagine him being super talkative and vocal. I don’t know, I’m just kinda stressed about this one. Also, this was probably definitely an inappropriate time for them to get down and dirty but my brain was glitching on any other idea so I hope you don’t hate it! Happy holidays!

________________

Sam Winchester.

The name alone made your blood boil.

You’d met the man for the first time, just before your hunting career began and quite frankly, you weren’t sure if you could ever truly forgive him for what he’d done.

–

It was the first semester of your senior year of college, a proud graduate-to-be of your dream university. Life had been great since you got to college. Old toxic relationships with people back home had practically disappeared, you’d formed a group of the best people you’d ever met, and your academics had been going strong.

Life was going great until people started disappearing only to turn up days later, slaughtered and nearly drained of blood. Anxiety was running high all across the board. The university even turned all night classes to online courses to prevent the likelihood of someone being abducted at night. Your best friend had started acting weird. She constantly shook as if she’d drank a pot of coffee for breakfast and was always looking over her shoulder. “It’s okay, Beth,” You tried to reassure her, “I know everyone is on edge but we’re doing everything we can to stay safe. Just make sure to bring your wooden stake in case the vampire attacks.” You chuckled weakly, knowing your nerve-fueled joke was definitely inappropriate considering that four people had actually died from whoever was out there but humor was a good coping mechanism.

Beth didn’t appreciate the joke at all and had run out of your apartment, disappearing. When she hadn’t returned by seven that night, you got worried enough to go look for her. Grabbing every self defense weapon you had, which was pepper spray, a pocket knife, and a key chain that looked cute but was actually a form of brass knuckles with sharp extrusions on it, you left your apartment to look for Beth, surprisingly well strapped.

You started with her favorite spots: a hipster coffee shop on Main Street, Taco Bell, that one bench in the botanical gardens that overlooked the pond, and the fourth floor of the library. She was nowhere to be seen. You were on the verge of calling the police or those FBI agents that had been questioning people on campus, asking some weird questions from what people had told you. You’d never spoken with them but they did say to come to them with information if anyone had any. You didn’t but they’d be a good start to finding Beth. Where to find them though? Figuring it would be best to just start with campus police, you walked across campus, looking over your shoulder every few seconds. The hair on your neck stood on end and it was impossible to feel safe. Campus police was located on the opposite end of campus and the busses stopped running early on weekdays so walking was your only choice.

“No, please!” You heard a man whimper from somewhere in the trees to your side. You stopped in your tracks and your heart dropped to your stomach. Should you help? Should you run? Should you stay here and call 911?

But then you heard Beth’s voice, “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I can’t control it anymore!” And then screams. There were deafening screams of pain and you decided to say screw it. You ran down to try and protect your friend, even though you knew it was probably the last thing you’d ever do. This was stupid. What could you even do? Who knew what was down there attacking them?

When you saw them though, you stopped, skidding to a halt on the leaf covered hill. Beth was knelt over a man’s body, his backpack thrown to the side and ripped open. Though you were quiet, she must have heard you because her attention was whipped to you in an instant. Her face and shirt were covered in blood. It was obvious she’d been eating him or something along those lines.

You felt like a deer in headlights, utterly frozen in terror, denial, and confusion. “I can’t control myself anymore…” she admitted, a regretful sob hiccuping from her lips.

“Why?” You breathed out the question, silent tears falling. Whether they were for fear for your life or just the knowledge that someone you cared about could do something so horrible, you didn’t know.

Before she could answer, there was a loud bang and she fell dead. You flinched and covered your head, crouching instinctively from the gunshot. Your best friend slumped over dead and, despite the fact that you’d just watched her brutally murder some poor stranger, you couldn’t help but call out in shock and horror, “Beth!"

Two men came running down the hill, one of them to Beth’s body and the other to you. "She’s dead. Werewolf, just like we thought.” The man with short hair announced in a deep gruff voice.

“Are you alright?” The one who had come up to asked. He looked a little younger than the other, with longer hair too.

You were shaking, “What the hell just happened?"

"I know this is hard to understand but your friend over there… wasn’t human.” When he said it, you almost scoffed. Of course she was human. What the hell else would she be? Monsters weren’t real.

“You’re kidding me…” You said almost angrily. Then something hit you, “Wait, you’re those FBI detectives.”

The one with short hair walked up to you and the man talking to you. The taller one spoke again, “I’m Sam and this is my brother Dean. We aren’t really FBI. We hunt monsters. Monsters like your friend over there."

"She wasn’t a monster.” You said, a single tear finally falling down your cheek. Glancing over, you saw her lying dead on the ground, “Not the Beth I knew."

"Well then you didn’t know the real Beth because one look at that thing will tell you she ain’t human.” Dean told you bluntly.

Sam noticed the confusion, fear, and anger in your eyes. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen this. It was never easy to tell people they were close to the truth and he preferred to just stay out of it completely but that wasn’t an option this time. “Look, I know this is difficult to understand. But Beth was a werewolf. And yes, they are real. Most monsters are. We’ve been tracking her for weeks."

"W-was she always like this?” Your mind whirled as you struggled to comprehend, truly comprehend, what was happening.

Sam shook his head, “She was turned by a werewolf back in her hometown a few weeks ago. We tracked her from a pack we hunted down over there.” You remembered when she came back, she had a big bandage on her arm. When you asked about it, she brushed it off, saying she ate it racing her brother on longboards. It was probably the bite.

“The fact that she made it as long as she did without killing is honestly impressive. I’ve seen some turn and right away they’re slaughtering people.” Dean chimed in. You hoped their words would console you but they only served to make you angrier.

“So you’re telling me that she was attacked by a werewolf and then turned into one? She was probably terrified! She kept saying how sorry she was! You could have helped her! But you just killed her!” You screamed at them angrily.

“Your friend murdered a bunch of people. Once they turn, there’s no saving them. They’re killers.” Dean said with such conviction that it almost scared you.

Sam put a hand out to Dean, signaling for him to shut up, “There’s only one known way to stop the transformation but it has a really low success rate, is extremely painful, and needs to be administered almost right after the bite. I’m sorry.” He reached a hand out to comfort you but you dodged it, shrugging off his gesture and beginning to walk away.

“I need to go."

"Wait!” Sam called out behind you and you stopped.

“What?!” You snapped, spinning around to stare at him. It was rare that anyone dwarfed Sam Winchester but since you’d been walking up the small hill, you towered over him. The way you glared down at him made him jump.

His words faltered before he finally spoke, “You can’t tell anyone about this. If people knew monsters existed-"

"I’ll decide how I deal with the fact that my apparently werewolf best friend was just murdered by some dudes who think they’re Ghostbusters."

—

Sam saddled up to the bar next to you and promptly ordered two beers. You kept your eyes straight ahead, not sure of what you’d say to him if you made eye contact. You could feel him side eyeing you curiously. Finally, he looked over, "I’m sorry if this is strange but you look so familiar. Have we met?"

You swiveled in the chair to face him, "It’s been a while but yeah. We’ve met. Remember that werewolf at (your college) about a year ago."

Realization dawned on his face, "Oh… I knew you looked familiar.” He didn’t sound excited like people usually did when they saw old friends because he knew you weren’t old friends. In fact, he assumed you felt quite the opposite and he understood why. “I never did catch your name."

"Y/N.” You informed shortly, taking a sip of your preferred poison.

Sam rocked back on his heels, “Well, uh, what are you doing out here?” It was Middletown, Arkansas, not exactly a happening place, so seeing you of all people here seemed almost too good to be a coincidence.

“I get the feeling the same reason you are.” You answered, eyebrows rising to infer a hunt.

It didn’t take long for Sam to figure what you meant, “Wait, you’re hunting now? Why?"

"After you guys left, I was devastated. You’d murdered my best friend,” you watched him sink into himself a little when you said that but continued seamlessly, “I was left alone with the sudden knowledge that monsters existed. I decided one day that I wanted to protect people like Beth. You know, the ones that innocently stumble into dangerous situations and have their lives ruined by a bite or scratch."

The tall Winchester brother was about to say something but Dean called from a few tables over, "Sammy!” He called out, pointing to a booth on the side wall. The bar was fairly busy for it being such a small town, with people playing pool or eating fries with their gin and tonics. Music played in the background and, though it wasn’t a song you knew off the top of your head, it sounded like every other dive bar in towns like this.

Sam held up a finger to his brother, begging pardon for just a second, before looking back over to you, “Look, I’m really sorry about everything. I really am. I know it doesn’t help but I’ve lost friends who were turned as well so I know how you feel.”

“Yeah, well, shit happens, right?” Your voice sounded anything but forgiving but it also wasn’t hostile either. It was more matter-of-fact. As much as you had hated Sam Winchester for what he had taken from you, if there was one thing you had learned over these last few months it was that shit really does happen. As hard as you tried, you really couldn’t save them all.

Sam glanced back over his shoulder to see Dean wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at him, clearly thinking you were someone Sam was trying to pick up for the night. Sam rolled his eyes and turned back to you, “If we’re both here for the vamp nest, then do you maybe want to come work with us?"

You thought for a moment. In all honesty, you had been under the impression that it was just one vampire wreaking havoc on the small town. Call it a novice mistake, because in all actuality, you really were still a relatively new hunter. One vampire you could take, a whole nest would be trickier. "Fine. But just so we don’t die."

You hopped off the barstool, glass of liquid fire in your hand, as you followed Sam back to the booth Dean was sitting at. At first, the older brother looked confused as to why his brother would bring his company for the night to meet him but didn’t say anything about it when you sat down beside Sam across the table from Dean.

"This is Y/N. She’s gonna help us work the case.” Sam announced, not leaving much room for objection.

Dean’s eyes studied you, “You look familiar. You’re a hunter?” He asked, trying to piece together why he recognized you.

You shrugged, “Am now but you know me from ‘bout a year ago when you guys killed my best friend. She was bit by a werewolf. Remember, that college girl?"

Realization dawned on his face, "Oh… yeah. Sorry about that but she was, y'know, a werewolf. So-” he shrugged insensitively, earning him a hard kick in the shin from Sam under the table. Dean looked back with that expression of 'what?’ That little kids had when they got in trouble.

“Well, anyways, she’s hunting now and is in town for the nest. I figured working together would be our best option.” Sam tried to be a peaceful moderator but it was hard when he knew how much you loathed him. It was frustrating, really, that you wouldn’t just see that Beth had become a monster. He understood that losing friends was hard but she had been killing innocent people.

“What’s the plan, then? We want to pick them off one by one so there’s less to fight at once or-” you began before Dean interrupted.

He shook his head, chewing some fries he’d shoved in his mouth while he spoke, “Nuh-uh. Gank the whole nest at once. Get 'em all in one place and torch it."

"Okay, well where’s the nest then?” You questioned.

Sam shrugged, “We don’t know yet. That’s what we gotta figure out."

"I have a file of police reports and eye witnesses on my laptop back at my hotel. I was just gonna grab a map of the town while I was out tonight to try and see if I could draw a location from the attacks.” You hadn’t planned on actually bringing work to do at the bar. You’d mostly come to see if you could overhear any drunken tales of vampires around town but it had been pretty dead as far as crazy stories so far.

Something behind you caught Dean’s attention and he leaned in close to you and Sam, “Hey, I’ll be back. Don’t wait up.” He said with a smirk and a wink.

As his brother stood, Sam threw his hand up in exasperation, “Where are you going?"

"Hopefully for a homerun.” Dean winked with a cocky smirk before walking away. You turned around to follow Dean with your gaze and immediately saw his target sitting at the bar, a beautiful African American woman with bouncing curls and a sultry smile on her berry stained lips. Honestly, you couldn’t’ say you blamed the older Winchester one bit.

Sam let out a huff of disappointment and rolled his eyes at his brother’s priorities. “Guess it’s just you and me then…” He groaned, not at the prospect of having to spend time with you but just at his brother’s laziness. Dean always managed to find an excuse out of the research part.

“Great.” You responded, unamused. Of the two brothers, Sam was the one you had an issue with- the trigger man on the night that changed your life. “Well, we should get a start on all this so we can get out of here sooner. If you didn’t get any food, you wanna head back to my room?”

The second the words left your mouth, you realized how it sounded and you became a bumbling mess, “Wait- I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant-”

Sam bit back a chuckle and raised his hand up off the table, motioning for you to stop, “It’s okay. It’s okay.” He laughed, long hair shining in the dim light as he moved to turn away from you with closed eyes while he chuckled. It really was a shame that he had done what he’d done to you. An opportunity with such a handsome man just had to be killed by his lack of compassion all those months ago.

You slid out of the booth, “Alright, well, I guess I’ll drive. Looks like Dean will be needing your car.” You smirked knowingly as you glanced over at Dean who had the woman he’d had eyes on in stitches over something he’d said.

Sam followed your lead, “Sounds good. I don’t think I want to be in the car after whatever they do anyways.”

Your black 2007 Honda Pilot was clean enough to not be totally embarrassed about but then you saw Sam’s little snort, “A Honda Pilot?”

“We can’t all have cool muscle cars or old trucks, jackass. I can go all terrain with decent gas mileage. Besides, I’d rather sleep in the back of this than your gas guzzler. She’s surprisingly spacious.” You defended your vehicle rather seriously, running your hand across the dash soothingly. The funny thing was that you’d really never been all too attached to the car until Sam insinuated insulting remarks about it.

“She?” He quipped with a raised brow, climbing into the passenger seat.

You slammed the door shut and started the engine, “Yes, she. Dahlia.”

Sam put his hands up, resigning his teasing assault on your car. The drive to the motel was short. You never really liked travelling too far from where you were staying when you didn’t have to. Hunting on your own, especially as a newbie, made you anxious. When you pulled into the parking lot, Sam looked out the window, “You’re staying here too?”

You looked over at him, “You guys are staying here?”

He nodded and patted his pockets, looking for the room key but quickly finding the gesture useless, “Room 24. You?”

“34. You must be right under me.” You said, again visibly cringing at your poor word choice, “You know what I mean.”

Sam tried his hardest not to smile, “Wasn’t gonna say anything.” He assured. You pulled into a space right in front of room 24 and parked. Sam followed you up to your room, which was relatively untouched still. You’d only arrived that morning so, aside from your bag of belongings that was thrown onto the single queen bed, the motel room was still as you had found it.

Sam closed the door behind the two of you and you grabbed your laptop from the bag. So many rooms you’d stayed in had little tables or desks but you quickly noticed that this one was lacking. As Sam awkwardly shuffled up to the bed where you sat casually, you noticed that there wasn’t really enough room for the two of you to work on the ground either.

With a huff, you scooted over, “You can sit on the bed. Just no shoes on the covers.” You had toed your own shoes off on the floor before tucking your legs underneath you. Sam sat beside you, careful to keep a respectful distance between your bodies, while you opened the lid of your laptop and began typing away.

“Alright, this is what I have so far.” You began.

Time became lost on you and Sam as midnight rolled around and you were still discussing the facts of the case. “I’m still confused as to why the hell you think Lenora’s body turning up on Seventh St and Jason’s body turning up on Hargrove Ave means the nest is on Willow Dr.” You were getting annoyed at Sam. In all honesty, you were annoyed at yourself for not seeing what he saw because as much as you hated to admit it, he was probably right. He and his brother hadn’t earned their reputations for being wrong. But, geez, why did it have to be Sam Winchester?

“Because it’s not so much Jason’s body. The old lady, Meredith, made a phone call to her nephew, saying she was at Willow Dr, just before she attacked.” Sam pointed at the map of the town with one finger while leaning his weight back on the bed. His other hand reached back to prop himself up but you quickly flinched away when you felt his rough fingers blindly land on your own.

Sam’s eyes shot wide when you felt your sudden movement, “‘M sorry.” He said, moving his hand closer to his body.

The contact made your heart race in a way that made you simultaneously crave his touch again and be angry at yourself for feeling that way. You cursed yourself, scooting an inch or so away from Sam’s body. Clearly, your body was just blindly reacting after being touch starved for so long. You hadn’t so much as kissed anyone since before you became a hunter. It had to just be a primal reaction, nothing more.

“I’ll just take your word for it.” You grumbled, returning to the original matter at hand. You hated feeling like you were just letting him think he was right about everything but you were getting tired. “So what’s the plan? Gank ‘em all tomorrow night?”

Sam shrugged, “We’d have to talk to Dean. Most of them will probably be hiding in the nest in the morning to avoid the sun so at least they’d be in one place. But night gives us more time to plan. Who knows when he’ll be back.”

“Why don’t we just lure them all out into the sun and watch them burn?” You suggested, thinking it was a brilliant idea. You actually had yet to deal with vamps. This would be your first case hunting them and you were actually a little excited to learn something new.

The Winchester shook his head, “The sun doesn’t kill them. Think less Interview With a Vampire and more… bad sunburn.” He explained, “Have you never hunted one before?”

Again, you got defensive, “I’m still new at this. I mostly stick to werewolves and ghosts.” Admitting to yourself you needed to learn more was one thing. Admitting it to Sam was another.

He looked over at the gun on your nightstand, “Is that what you were gonna use?” He questioned, brows furrowed.

“No, I’m not dumb. I have some wooden stakes in the car.”

It took everything in Sam’s power to not laugh at you. At you felt like the wrong way to put it. He wasn’t laughing at you. He just found your determination to be a good hunter cute in an endearing way, even if you got your information from cheesy TV shows.

“What?” You asked, almost angrily, seeing the look of amusement on his face.

Sam shook his head, “Decapitation is the main way to kill vampires. Unless you have special bullets or weapons, cutting off the heads is the easiest way to go.”

Your jaw clenched and you turned away from him, upset that he of all people had to explain something that was apparently Hunter 101. You didn’t mind learning. Not knowing things typically was just an opportunity to pick something new up but this incident just felt like nails on a chalkboard.

“You know what? It looks like you and Dean have things handled here. I’m gonna go. Divide and conquer. I’ll just go find somewhere with monsters that I know about so you don’t have to babysit me.” You stood up aggressively, voice surprisingly calm and just almost convincing enough to make him think you weren’t being petty, which of course you were. You didn’t mean to be acting childish. It was just that running into Sam and Dean had been enough to handle. Having what was still left for you to learn shoved in your face was just the cherry on top.

Sam stood up after you, exasperated, “I didn’t mean it like that. You’re still new to this and everyone has to start somewhere. Hell, Dean and I are still learning new stuff all the time.”

“It’s not that. This was just a bad idea. I thought I could handle working with you but I can’t.” You shook your head, turning around just to reach around Sam’s body and grab the jacket that you’d discarded before shrugging it back over your shoulders. You started shoving the few things you’d unpacked- a gun, your laptop, and some files- back into your blue duffel bag.

Sam had always considered himself fairly level-headed and capable of dealing with difficult people but something in him snapped when he saw you packing up to leave over something so stupid, “Fine, go ahead and leave. We’ll deal with the nest without you. But you know what? Nobody asked you to get involved in hunting. You can’t just go run off every time someone dies.”

You scoffed, “I got into hunting to prevent people from dying. I got into hunting to try and save them from being killed by people like you!”

“You’re acting like we just kill everyone we come across. We kill monsters, Y/N. We save people by killing them. We prevent more people from getting turned into monsters by killing them. And you know what? Beth became a monster.” Sam’s voice raised to almost a yell as he gestured widely and aggressively.

“Beth was scared and you murdered her!” You shouted angrily, tears welling in your eyes.

“Beth was killing people!” Sam yelled at you before taking a moment to breathe, continuing more calmly, “Can’t you see that? Most of these monsters we hunt were just poor bastards in the wrong place at the wrong time. There’s not a lot we can do for people like that. But we can keep them from hurting others. If we had known there was a werewolf back in Beth’s hometown, we could have killed them before they could turn her and she would still be here. Would you be angry if we’d have killed the werewolf that turned her? Would you still be calling me a murderer?”

You chewed your tongue in your mouth hard, trying to use the physical pain to distract you from the urge to cry out of frustration. Why did he have to make sense? Why did he have to confirm every rational thought you’d ever had concerning the situation? You wanted to hate Sam Winchester for what he’d done but you knew deep down that it was never that simple. You knew he had a point but you didn’t want to admit it.

Sam saw the way your jaw clenched angrily, the way your throat moved as you swallowed hard, and the way your eyes glistened with unshed tears. He took a step closer to you and reached a gentle hand out towards your arm, “I am sorry that you lost your best friend.”

For some reason, the gentle sincerity of his voice is what broke you. Tears fell down your face in hot streams as you cried. They weren’t tears for Beth’s death. Those had long been drained from you, many nights spent mourning what you’d lost. These tears were for the final snap of your animosity for the Winchester. You had spent so long hating him. You wanted to hate him, needed to hate him, but how the hell were you supposed to do that when he looked you in the eye and truly meant it when he said he was sorry.

There was a twinge of pain in his own green eyes that made you realize that he truly had experienced the same sort of heartache that you did and that he was sincerely apologetic for being the cause of it. But it was also clear that, while he was sorry for hurting you, he was not sorry for what he had done. Part of the cause for your tears was that you were angry with yourself for not being able to hate him, despite knowing that he didn’t regret killing Beth. You were crying because he was right. She had become a monster and, in his shoes, you probably would have done the same thing. You would have shot your best friend.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered, voice shaky as you did.

Sam used his light grip on your arm to pull you in slowly for a hug, his large arms enveloping you in a surprisingly comforting embrace. You buried your face into his flannel, tears staining the fabric. One of his large hands gently cradled the base of your head while his other rubbed up and down your shaking back.

He didn’t know what to say anymore. Your response had honestly surprised him. The girl that he was used to receiving nothing but animosity from was now shaking in his arms and apologizing. “It’s okay,” was all Sam could think to mutter out.

He held you like that for a while, though you weren’t sure exactly how long it was. It could have been thirty seconds or thirty minutes and you would be none the wiser but all you knew was that you didn’t want Sam to let you go and, for once, you didn’t hate yourself for it. The tears had dried, leaving only slightly stiff feeling skin in their place. Your breath had long since stopped leaving your lungs in wracked hiccups. Your arms had moved from resting on his broad chest to being loosely wrapped around his waist at some point.

You pulled back first, lifting your head from his chest but keeping your hands on his body still. Sam lifted his cheek off your head, where it had been residing in a surprisingly soft show of affection, and he gazed down at you. You were amazed by how completely you had let your rage blind you. Before tonight, Sam was nothing more than scum to you but now, looking into his eyes after forgiving him, you realized that he was easily one of the most beautiful men you’d ever laid your eyes on.

Even with the tears now gone, Sam still saw the dim light of the cheap motel lamp sparkled against the color of your irises and damn if it wasn’t beautiful. He slid his hand up from your shoulder to gently brush away a few thin strands of hair that had stuck to your cheek while it was pressed against his chest- a feeling he found himself missing. His breath caught in his throat when you reached up to cover his hand with your smaller one, pressing it gently to stay on your cheek.

Your eyes slid closed and you gently nuzzled against his hand before opening your eyes again, reaching around his neck, and oh so slowly pulling him down while you perched on your tiptoes. There was more than enough time for Sam to pull away but he didn’t. In fact, much to your surprise, he closed the gap between you faster. His lips pressed to yours, rougher than you anticipated, but enjoyably nonetheless.

The breath was knocked out of your lungs and you struggled to breathe against his lips but refused to pull away. You bit his lip gently while you kissed, slipping your tongue against his when he gave in to what you were craving.

Sam reached down under your ass and lifted you without you even needing to jump. A squeal of surprise was swallowed by his lips as he walked you both to the bed. Once his legs bumped the old mattress, he sat down, lowering you to land on his lap. Your knees fell to either side of his hips where you gave an experimental rotation of your hips against his clothed erection. He let out a strangle exhalation at the friction, his fingers digging into your ass and pulling you harder onto him. The fabric of his rough jeans rubbed delicious against your clothed core, a wetness beginning to form in your panties.

Slowly, you pressed your weight forward and Sam allowed you to push him onto his back. You laid on top of him, lips moving from his lips down his neck but he didn’t let you get far. Sam placed a supportive hand on the small of your back and managed to flip you both over so he was on top and before you knew it, he was devouring you. Lips kissed hot trails across your face and down your neck, across the tops of your breasts that were ever so slightly revealed by your v-neck t-shirt.

Your fingers tangled in his long hair and he let out a breathy groan when you tugged on the brunette locks, pulling him closer to you. Sam crawled down your body, his hands sliding up underneath your shirt to run across your burning skin beneath. He felt like heaven and hell all in one, burning with fiery lust and yet so sweet and comforting despite the fervor with which he moved.

You pushed yourself up, pushing Sam to sit back on his knees while you did, all without breaking the kiss, to shrug off your jacket. Your shirt was next, falling onto the floor with your jacket before Sam pushed you backwards again, your back hitting the mattress. His large hand started low your belly, running straight up between the valley of your breasts and then raking downwards, pulling the cups of your bra down and grazing your nipples deliciously with his calloused fingers.

It had been so long since you’d been touched like this that even the small act had your back arching into his body. “Sam…” You breathed out, eyes sliding closed at the sensation. Every flick against your sensitive buds sent a shock straight to your core that had you hooking your leg around his hip, pulling him closer into you. Your hands ran up and down his large biceps before moving to pull the sleeves of his flannel down his arms. He only pulled away from you long enough to throw the restricting clothing on the ground, his shirt joining short after.

Your mouth started physically salivating at the sight of the man before you, sculpted by the gods. Defined pectorals and rippling abs covered his torso, adorned with a symbol that looked like a pentagram inside of a sun- a symbol you were unfamiliar with. Sam didn’t give you much time to marvel though because he was back to kissing a line down your body, the light stubble of his beard tickling the sensitive skin of your neck and chest. He stopped to revel in your breasts, wiggling his hands under your body to expertly unclasp your bra and shimmy it off you. The second they were revealed to him, his tongue was dragging across the supple sick and his teeth were lightly nibbling at the sensitive buds.

“Oh my gosh-” You let out in a breathy giggle. Sam switched breasts, giving the other equal attention. Your fingernails raked lightly over his shoulders and across his chest and you felt Sam shiver at the touch. His lips trailed lower and lower until they found the waistline of your jeans. With a quick flick of his fingers, the button was popped and the denim material was dragged down your legs, taking your socks with them as they were pulled over your ankles. He kissed his way back up your legs, from ankle until he slowly inched closer and closer to where you wanted him most.

His scruff scraped along the sensitive skin of your inner thighs and you bit your lip at the sensation, unsure if you were trying to hold back a giggle from the ticklish feeling or a moan from the shocks it sent to your core. Sam chuckled to himself when he saw the wet patch of cloth over your clothed heat. He’d barely touched you and you were already dripping for him.

He had a wicked idea though. He got closer and closer to your sex, the smell intoxicating, and gripped your thighs tightly, possibly leaving bruises. Just when his lips were about to land on your core, he moved to the left, kissing your hip bones instead and back up your belly.

Annoyed by the teasing, you sat up, pulling Sam up gently by the hair to be face to face with you. Your ass was a few inches from the edge of the bed, toes just touching the ground, when you pushed Sam back just enough to be able to reach his pants. You hooked your fingers into the belt loops on either side of his pelvis and pulled him close to you. His forehead pressed flush against yours, “Are you gonna keep being a tease or are you gonna fuck me already, Winchester?”

Sam didn’t need to be told twice. He made quick work of his remaining clothing and hovered over you like a predator about to move in for the kill. “You want me to just fuck you already?” He mimicked, voice low and testing. His green eyes bore into your own orbs with a challenge that you refused to back down from.

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?” You challenged, standing up and sliding your underwear down your legs, all while keeping unyielding eye contact with Sam. Once they left your form with a small flick of your toes, a dark smirk krept up on his face.

“Turn around.” He demanded and, while you were inwardly more than happy to comply, you didn’t want him to think he had you quite that easy.

You rolled your eyes as you did, an sinful smirk playing on your lips, “Yes, sir.” You chimed sarcastically.

Before you knew it, you were bent over at the waist, face and chest pressed into the mattress by Sam’s nearly crushing body. His hand snaked around your front, picking up some of your slickness on his fingers before circling your clit while he growled in your ear, “Don’t know what the attitude’s about. You’re the one who asked to get fucked.”

Your knees quivered at his filthy words while his fingers worked your clit slowly and painfully. His rock hard erection rubbed along your ass, teasing your entrance every now and again as he rocked his hips against your body. He stood up and removed his hand from your clit. Your hips moved back, trying desperately to chase his fleeting touch. Sam groaned when your body slid over his cock, skin burning against his own. After a few experimental tugs at his own member, he positioned himself at your entrance, giving you a few moments to back out if that was what you’d wanted. Backing out was so far from what you wanted though. You wanted - nay, needed - him inside of you and you needed him now. You were convinced you’d combust if he made you wait any longer.

His hands landed on your hips to help guide a slow thrust forward. His length gradually entered you, the searing stretch to accommodate him making your muscles contract around him. Sam hisses out a sound of pleasure, “You’re so tight.”

His first few thrusts were slow, each time managing to grind impossibly deeper into you. “Fuck, Sam.” Your fingers wound tightly in the sheets with each thrust of his hips and your eyes screwed shut as your breaths came out almost as hisses through grit teeth.

Sam used his leverage on your hips to move your body in time with his thrusts. Each motion sent your body into the mattress, the bed shaking as he pounded into you. You let out little squeaks of pleasure every now and again but Sam wanted to hear more out of the girl who’d had nothing to say to him but spiteful things for so long.

A large hand came to clasp around your throat, not tight enough to choke you but enough to guide you up. You pressed your body up to your feet sloppily on your hands but standing proved to be a difficult task with Sam still moving relentlessly into you. Your thighs were shaking, barely able to support your weight, as this new angle allowed for Sam to hit that spot inside you that made your toes curl. His hand stayed around your throat, tightening along the sides of your neck when he lost himself in the way you felt around him- warm and soft. You were grateful that he was letting your head lull back against his shoulder otherwise you weren’t sure if you’d be able to stay upright.

Sam’s free hand first sloppily groped around the front of your chest until it found one of your breasts, kneading it roughly. The rough skin of his fingers grazed your nipples yet again, only adding to the pleasure you felt below. The knot was tightening and it was tightening fast.

“Please-” You managed to gasp out, not because of the choking (his grip wasn’t that tight) but because the electricity in the room seemed to have stolen your voice. Sam’s hand moved from your nipples down to your clit where he rubbed fast tight circles. “Oh my gosh, yes!” You whined, reaching up overhead to tangle your fingers in his hair. You forced his mouth down to meet yours and the pressure in your core snapped. Your moans and cries of pleasure were swallowed by Sam’s lips and he could have swallowed a thousand more.

He worked you through your orgasm until your body went limp in his arms. Slowly, he came to a stop before pulling out and quickly working himself in his hands. After catching your breath though, you turned back to Sam, placed your hands on his shoulders, and used them to spin the two of you around and push him back onto the bed. His long legs hung over the edge and you settled yourself between his knees, gently grasping his member, still slick with your wetness, and worked him with your hand.

Sam lied back on the white duvet, head thrown back in bliss at your touch. Your hand felt so much better than his own as it worked up and down his shaft before coming up to circle around the tip. He was rock hard and ready to burst at any given moment. When you leaned forward to like a long stripe along the underside of his cock, he was done for. A few more pumps and Sam fell apart in your hand, painting your hand and his stomach with his seed. “Shit!” The muscles of his abs contracted mesmerizingly as the waves of his high rolled over him.

Your hand slowed as his climax came to an end, his member softening in your hand. You wiped the mess he’d made on your hand on your breasts and stomach, knowing it would be easier to keep those parts of you off the covers than your hand. With a heavy sigh of crashing relief, your body fell onto the mattress beside Sam and you both stared at the ceiling in a fucked out post-coital haze.

“So, does this mean you don’t hate me anymore?” Sam asked after a few moments, surprising you with the genuine tone behind the semi-joking question.

You stared up at the chipping popcorn ceiling, “I didn’t for like two seconds but now I do again just because those were the first words out of your mouth.” Your voice was steady, unwavering, and Sam cringed inwardly, avoiding eye contact entirely. That is, until you sighed and continued, “But, I guess, if you wanted to take me out for a drink sometime there’s a slim chance I wouldn’t object.” This time, there was a teasing smile on your face when you turned your head to look at Sam.

#spnsecretsantaficexchange #SPN #supernatural #Sam Winchester #sam winchester smut #sam winchester fic #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x y/n #jared padalecki #jared padalecki smut #jared padalecki imagine

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olderthannetfic · 4 years ago

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It's really surprising that you're so well versed in older fandoms and yet participate in new popular ones (that cdrama, kpop) is this by design? Im in my twenties and my interest turnover is already way slower than it used to be

You know, that’s a really interesting question. I wouldn’t say it’s by design exactly in that I do tend to just follow what strikes my fancy, and I can’t force myself to want to write fic for just anything. (I find it easier to like reading fic without serious involuntary emotional investment, but writing takes more. Vidding I can do on command most of the time, but I don’t usually bother unless I have a lot of feels or I’m fulfilling someone’s prompt.)

However, me getting into BTS was 100% due to me wanting to understand BTS enough to explain to people who weren’t very interested but wanted to know what was going on in fandom lately. Under normal circumstances, I run the dance party at Escapade, the oldest extant slash con. We borrowed vividcon’s thing of playing fanvids on the wall--all of them set to dance music--as the soundtrack for the dance party. This means I’m creating a 3-hour mixtape of fannishness, which has amazing potential to make people feel in the know about Fandom Today... and equal potential to make them feel alienated if nothing they care about shows up. Only about 100-150 people attend the con, so it really is possible to make a playlist that feels inclusive yet informative--it just takes a huge amount of work.

Every year, I do a lot of research on which fandoms are getting big and look for vids from vidders people won’t have heard of, so there is an element of consciously trying to keep up with things. Generally, I only get into these fandoms myself if I had no idea what they were and then suddenly, oops, they’re my kryptonite, like the buddy cop android plot in Detroit: Become Human, which sucked me in hard for like 6 months on the basis of a vid.

(So if you’re into cross-fandom meta and associated stuff as one of your fannish interests, you tend to have broader knowledge of different fandoms, old and new, than if you’re just looking for the next place you’ll read fic. It’s also easier to love vids for unfamiliar things than fic.)

But though I was only looking for a basic primer on BTS, BTS has 7 members with multiple names and no clear juggernaut pairing, not to mention that AU that runs through the music videos and lots of other context to explain. The barrier to understanding WTF was going on at all was high enough that to know enough to explain, I had to be thoroughly exposed... And once I was over that hurdle, oops, I had a fandom.

In terms of old vs. new, here’s the thing: kpop fandoms in English and c-drama fandoms in English right now feel a lot like anime fandom in English did in the early 00s. I had a Buddy Cops of the 70s phase in the middle, but my current fannishness is actually a return to my older fannishness in many ways.

What do I mean about them being similar?

Yes, I know some wanker will show up to say I think China, Korea, and Japan are indistinguishable, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the way that I used to routinely meet Italian and French and German fans, Argentinian and Mexican, Malaysian and Indonesian and Filipino too. English-language fandom of SPN or MCU may have all those fans from all those countries, but it feels very American most of the time. English-language fandom of a non-English-language canon is more overtly about using English as a lingua franca.

It also tends to attract people who as a sideline to their fannishness are getting into language learning and translation, which are my other passion in life after fanworks fandom. (I speak only English and Spanish and a bit of Japanese, but I’ve studied German, French, Russian, Mandarin, Old English, and now Korean.)

Nerds arguing about methods of language learning and which textbooks are good and why is my jam. This is all over the place in English-language fandoms of Chinese, Japanese, and Korean media. Those fandoms also tend to be full of speakers coming from a Germanic or Romance languages background who face similar hurdles in learning these languages. (In other words, if you’re a native Japanese speaker trying to learn Korean, the parts that will be hard for you are different than if you’re an English speaker, but you’re also usually not doing fandom in English.)

There’s also an element of scarcity and difficulty of access and a communal attempt to construct a canon (in the other sense) of stuff from that country that pertains to one’s fannishness. So, for example, a primer explaining the genre of xianxia is highly relevant to being a n00b Untamed fan, but just any old thing about China is not. A c-drama adapted from a danmei webnovel is perhaps part of the new pantheon of Chinese shit we’re all getting into, but just any old drama from decades ago is probably not... unless it’s a genre precursor to something else we care about. Another aspect here is that while Stuff I Can Access As A N00b Who Doesn’t Speak The Language may be relatively scarce, there’s a vast, vast wealth of stuff that exists.

This is what it felt like to be an anime fan in the US in 2000. As translation got more commercial and more crappy series were licensed and dumped onto an already glutted market, the vibe changed. No longer were fans desperately trying to learn enough of the language to translate or spending their time cataloguing what existed or making fanworks about a show they stuck with for a bit: the overall community focus turned to an endless race of consumption to keep up with all of the latest releases. That’s a perfectly valid way of being fannish, but if I wanted that, I’d binge US television 24/7.

Anime fandom got bigger, but what I liked about anime fandom in English died, and I moved on. (Okay, I first moved on to Onmyouji, which is a live action Japanese thing, but still.)

Hardcore weeaboos and now fans of Chinese and Korean stuff don’t stop at language: people get excited about cooking, my other other great passion. Times a thousand if the canon is something like The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty, which is full of loving shots of food preparation. People get excited about history! Mandarin and Japanese may share almost nothing in terms of grammar or phonology, but all of East Asia has influence from specific Chinese power centers historically, and there are commonalities to historical architecture and clothing that I love.

I fell out of love with the popular anime art styles as they changed, and I’m not that into animation in general these days. (I still own a shitton of manga in art styles I like, like Okano Reiko’s Onmyouji series.) I’ve become a filmmaker over the last decade, and I’m very excited about beautiful cinematography and editing. With one thing and another, I’m probably not going to get back into anime fandom, but it’s lovely to revisit the cultural aspects I enjoyed about it via live-action media.

BTS surprised me too, to be honest. I really dislike that early 90s R&B ballad style that infests idol music (not just Korean--believe me, I resisted many rounds of “But Johnny’s Entertainment though!” back in the day). While I like some of the dance pop, I just don’t care. But OH NO, BTS turn out to be massive conscious hip hop fanboys, and their music sounds different. I have some tl;dr about my reactions in the meta I wrote about one of my fanvids, which you can find on Dreamwidth here.

But back to your comment about turnover: I know fans from the 70s who’ve had one great fannish love and that’s it and more who were like that but eventually moved on to a second or third. They’re... really fannishly monogamous in a way I find hard to comprehend. It was the norm long ago, but even by the 90s when far more people were getting into fandom, it was seen as a little weird. By now, with exponentially more people in fandom, it’s almost unheard of. I think those fans still exist, even as new people joining, but we don’t notice them. They were always rare, but in the past, only people like that had the stamina to get over the barriers to entry and actually become the people who made zines or were willing to be visibly into fanfic in eras when that was seen as really weird. On top of that, there’s an element of me, us, judging the past by what’s left: only people with an intense and often single passion are visible because other people either drifted away or have seamlessly disappeared into some modern fandom. They don’t say they’re 80 or 60 or 40 instead of 20, so nobody knows.

In general, I’m a small fandoms and rare ships person. My brain will do its best to thwart me by liking whatever has no fic even in a big fic fandom... (Except BTS because there is literally fic for any combination of them, like even more than for the likes of MCU. Wow. Best fandom evar!) So I have an incentive to not get complacent and just stick with one fandom because I would very soon have no ability to be in fandom at all.

My appetite for Consuming All The Things has slowed way down, but it also goes in waves, and a lot of what I’m consuming is what I did back in 2000: journal articles and the limited range of English-language books on the history of m/m sex and romance in East Asia. It’s not so much that I have a million fandoms as that I’m watching a few shows as an expression of my interest in East Asian costume dramas and East Asian history generally.

I do like to sit with one thing and experience it deeply rather than moving on quickly, but the surface expression of this has changed depending on whether I’m more into writing fic or more into doing research or something else.

But yes, I do do a certain amount of trying to stay current, often as a part of research for fandom meta or to help other people know what’s going on. Having a sense of what’s big doesn’t automatically mean getting into all those things, but I think some fans who are older-in-fandom and/or older-in-years stop being open to even hearing what’s new. And if you’ve never heard of it, you’ll never know if you might have liked it.

#fandom meta #fandom history #Anonymous

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septembersghost · 4 years ago

Note

You may have gotten blocked in the “winc*st-adjacent” craze a few months back. Everyone who has ever reblogged a reblog of a reblog from a winc*st shipper got canceled. I have the tag blocked, and sometimes you post things that were at one point tagged as winc*st.

I absolutely understand that there are some people who need a bullet-proof boundary around things like that. That doesn’t make all the people who don’t need that hard boundary into predators. Purity culture is a mess.

I’m very sorry if those blocks hurt you, because you are the last person on earth to deserve it.

I hope you’re having a day almost as gorgeous as you are, dear one.

one of them blocked me almost from the moment i made this blog, it's more confusing than anything else (that little part of my brain that fears rejection and the larger part that is continually anxiety-ridden goes, but what did I do?! even though consciously i realize it's not a big deal in the scheme of things! it's just jarring when i go to reblog an edit from S1 or something and tumblr says, "no, you can't do that!" me: "i only want to appreciate the nice posts!" ;___;).

as far as i know, i didn't get caught in the great blocklist purge, but a few of my close friends/mutuals did, and that hurt me more than when i'm blocked myself because i love them and know what amazing people they are (mutuals i will be glad to be canceled with, they're burning all the witches even if you aren't one, but i will happily claim my witchery. <3 besides, if one must block me, at least block me for my gothic romanticism soul mate meta and my annoyingly effusive love/dean feelings posts 😌), and that list was nothing but a bizarre/ugly public shamefest (i block people for things i find upsetting, too, hence why half of dean cr*tical/anti fandom is on my list lol, but i have no intention of dragging them in a mass post, we are in completely separate circles and that's fine! the blacklist also exists to help us ignore topics we don't want to see for whatever reason, it's a very helpful feature and doesn't require drama...we all have the prerogative to make our own spaces as comfortable and enjoyable for ourselves as possible, but it doesn't need to be widely disseminated). some of the people on that list didn't even belong there, there was really no care or caution about who that might hurt - not that perceived (judgmental) "guilt" matters on an issue like this, because the puritanical outlook of doing that to people is so oppressive and disturbing in and of itself. self-protection is valid and important and always subjective. purity culture is...not interested in that, it's interested in thought policing and deriding people. it's like new wave mccarthyism, putting people on a list of sinners - "are you now or have you ever been [insert 'offense' here]." and i get that it started from a place of caring about real issues, which is a whole other important discussion, but applying that to transformative FICTIONAL fandom to the point where real people, who may potentially be vulnerable or sorting through difficulties of their own, are put on blast because they were seen dancing in the moonlight is one of my least favorite phenomenons in current fandom culture. (also, people tag things with ship names for various reasons all the time even when it's totally innocuous - there was a post on my dash the other day that was blacklisted, not even spn fandom, and i clicked on it out of curiosity and the post wasn't even about a ship, it was a quote, but someone along the way had probably tagged it for their own interests/blog and that's completely fine too!) there is also the aspect to consider that many corners of fandom are predominately women-created content, and women are chastened and judged so often for exploring and communicating and imagining that all we're doing is fueling more silencing of safe spaces for female expressionism.

tl;dr i'm sorry you didn't ask for an essay, but this has been on my mind SO much lately.

it makes me sad that we do have such stringent dividing lines and that fandom has become a bit of a minefield because i think it's stifling creativity and discussion in some ways since that divisiveness has fueled a lot of unfair bullying. we're supposed to be having fun! i love how passionate so many of us are! i wish we could have that without the toxicity, but i know every fandom has factions like this. this is very rambly, but in sum - purity culture is a mess - you're right.

thank you so much for your kind words and wishes, i hope you are having a beautiful day/evening too! 💕

#anonymous #letterbox #<333 #fandom discourse #also 'adjacent' is so amusing to me #fandom is interconnected! we're all adjacent to everything!#i appreciate and respect nice and reasonable people #i'd rather be on the block list than a person making one #it says a lot about the need to control and vilify that anyone would do that to anyone else #idk i interact with fandom in a bit of a unique sense and always have but the way the tide has turned into puritanical thinking troubles me #additionally - i have said this before - sam and dean's entangled connection and unbreakable love for each other is the heart of the story #people interpret it in a variety of ways #but you CANNOT extricate it from the text or you no longer even have the text #they are difficult and complicated as well as being brave and beautiful #let them be that #that's tangential but it's important!

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inacatastrophicmind · 4 years ago

Note

I just want to hug you and everyone who had SPN as their #1 or only fandom. I jump from one hyperfixation to another all the time and I wasn't that invested in spn anymore, so yes, it spoiled my mood a bit, but I shrugged it off and continued reading The old guard fics. But people who had SPN close to their hearts, who wrote amazing metas, who literally couldn't sleep because of nerves... you were done so dirty. You, and we, and the characters we love, deserved better.

You’re too kind and sweet, anon.

I’m going to ramble for a while because I need to let this out of my chest. I hope you don’t mind.

I loved SPN. This show helped me go through a lot of shit. And I know it was never perfect and it gave me a lot of heartaches and headaches because some writers fucked up things, but I loved the characters and the story. But it also impated my life in so many ways.

Thanks to Dean, I started to hate myself a little bit less. I still have to work through that, but because of Dean, I realized that even though I’m broken, people can still love me despite my scars and my sharp edges. And he helped me to open myself a little bit, letting in people who I love with all my heart, and I’ve been able to speak about some stuff I still have a hard time talking about. And he also made me realize that I should enjoy the things I like without expecting to fit a pattern.

Thanks to Cas, I discovered I was ace and I finally found out that I was in the autistic spectrum and that there was nothing wrong with that. He also helped me feel accepted and not to be so ashamed about feeling so out of place in every situation. Cas has helped me to be kinder to others and to try to do what feels right in my heart. Cas has made me realize that this world might be terrible sometimes, but there is still so much good in it.

Thanks to Dean and Cas and their relationship, I have been able to make gifs and write fics. I’m someone who alway sees the worst in everything I do, but gifmaking is something I’m really proud of. I still think I need to improve, but when it comes to my gifs, I look at them and I think “well, at least I’m quite decent at this”, and that’s something that’s never happened to me. I’m someone who keeps thinking that I’m not good enough. But not when it comes to gifs. And also it has made me enjoy writing again, even if I’m not the best, but it’s something that I can do and say “I’m not great at this, but this makes me happy and that’s enough.”

Thanks to Dean and Cas, I have also spend so many good times reading about them falling in love in so many ways. I have seen beautiful creations in the shape of fanart, gifs and edits. And I have fallen in love with them (ironic becuase I’m aro, but that’s the power of Destiel), and I have always looked forward to seeing them together just for 5 seconds. They have kept me going in my darkest times and I have loved them with everything I have.

Overall, SPN has gotten me through some really tough times. I’m not going to get into details, but there have been moments in my life when I wanted to give up, and the only thing that made me get out of bed, was this show. Just knowing there was more story to tell, that I could see my favorite characters one more time, was enough. SPN was my shelter when real life hurt me.

Before I started watching this show, I felt out of place, broken and lonely. But thanks to it, I started to slowly put myself together. Just because of a story and its amazing characters. Things in my life are far from perfect, but SPN made things hurt less. It also let me meet amazing people on the internet and it let me meet one of my best friends in real life, who I love with all my heart. She hasn’t watched SPN since s10, but we’re still best friends.

This show helped me to live instead of just exist. It helped me to create stuff, to feel passion and love, to feel accepted, to be less ashamed of who I am, to stop consider myself so broken. I saw these characters going through so much and never give up that they inspired me. And they found a way into my heart. And they made me believe that when things go really bad, if you can get up and fight, you’ll be able to find some happiness in a world where it is so easy to find pain.

But now, the writers have destroyed all of that. All that shit the characters went through was for nothing. They deserved to live and be happy, and instead, they just fucking killed them, forgot them and/or make them miserable. 15x20′s story is “life sucks and then you die.”

How is it possible that a show that focused so hard on a found family, on accepting yourself, on telling the world “fuck fate I write my own history” and I will keep fighting to be able to live my life in my own terms, has destroyed everything the story and its characters stood for?

I’m hearbroken and angry, because they destroyed something I loved with all my heart and they treated Dean, Cas and Sam like shit. In the end, the writers not only did not care about the characters; they didn’t care about us. I knew that the ending wasn’t going to be satisfying, but this ending is a direct “fuck you” to everything SPN was and to its characters. This ending basically said that “why bother fighting and living, when dying and going to Heaven is the solution to your problems?”

We deserved better. Dean, Cas and Sam deserved so much better.

#Anonymous #my answers

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kineticpassion · 3 years ago

Text

I posted 765 times in 2021

16 posts created (2%)

749 posts reblogged (98%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 46.8 posts.

I added 566 tags in 2021

#supernatural - 252 posts

#castiel - 86 posts

#dean winchester - 42 posts

#spn - 36 posts

#art - 35 posts

#destiel - 31 posts

#cute - 26 posts

#aminals - 24 posts

#fanart - 19 posts

#sam winchester - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#not to spn derail but someone needed to say this to dean when he turned his fears into anger all the time - not wait until dying to say it

My Top Posts in 2021

Had a great day at Carolina Beach today. It was a little busier than we'd hoped, but we managed to find a clear space and get in the water. I also had the best ice cream (cookie butter). The only downside was getting sand in my hair from the waves :) #beach #boardwalk #carolinabeach (at Carolina Beach, North Carolina) https://www.instagram.com/p/CRvDDnuFP7r/?utm_medium=tumblr

2 notes • Posted 2021-07-25 03:30:14 GMT

Fly

In my dreams, I can fly.

Sometimes short bursts

Other times I glide.

I sail through accomplishments

And over obstacles

Literally, in the dream, which meant

That figuratively I want to soar

Free of the chains of dysfunction

Around and within me no more.

Although I am afraid to fall,

To dream of freedom in flight

Is desire to conquer it all.

In a world where I can just be

Myself in all respects,

I'd spread my wings with glee.

Until that day, that I take the leap

And can afford to go,

I'll lay it to rest; take flight in my sleep.

It feels so real, sweet memories of

A natural part of me expressed

With love, landing softly from above.

Breaking free inside of me

But not quite coming out

In real and waking life to see.

2 notes • Posted 2021-07-21 07:29:17 GMT

Logging onto Tumblr in October be like

3 notes • Posted 2021-10-02 18:57:06 GMT

There's at least one line I plan on revising before adding this one to my poetry book, but I thought I'd share it with you guys now. Fresh off my notes app.

Ashes

Monday, July 12, 2021 9:50 AM

I could just pretend that it all doesn't exist

And just start carrying on the life I want to live.

It's too much to give a damn about everything at stake

For everyone, everywhere; eventually the dam will break,

Drowning me from within; an avalanche of tasks,

And I don't know how to swim; buried in quicksand.

Do you ever want to disappear into a different life?

To get away from everything that causes you this strife?

Or do you imagine an excuse that would really close the book?

Injuries or destruction that would let you off the hook

Would only be temporary, and cause even more pain.

When the only way out is through, it creates a bitter stain.

Its difficult to dig your way out with a plastic spoon.

A shovel would be more effective to clear out the room.

But the garden shed is empty; you never had a knack

For growing greenery; they'd say your thumb is black.

Still you've nurtured a resilient plant, and brightly green it grows.

And though it's body, lined with spines, is untouchable, you know

That the work you've done has mattered, and the people that you've touched

Have been greatful for your help; you have accomplished that much.

You've run on fumes just to come through for those who are in need.

Except, perhaps, for yourself:*** the burried mustard seed.***

But in this long exercise of setting yourself alight

To serve and warm others, though unhealthy, you've burned bright.

The candle lit from both ends, still you need to see this through

To an end. Burning ashes for months, you can't undo

Your own pain anymore than you could fix

every problem for everyone, though maybe you'd wish

That the world just wasn't this way; that justice were the default;

That corruption wasn't present in every grain of salt

With which we take all things in stride. With dignity and grace.

Crafting our own recipe with love, in any place.

13 notes • Posted 2021-07-12 14:25:55 GMT

Tag game!

I've been tagged by @deanwasalwaysbi

Favorite color: blue; more specifically cyan/electric blue

Currently reading: uh, several things actually, but the unabridged version of The Count of Monte Cristo is one.

Last song: I'm also always singing stuff, but the most recent thing I listened to not five minutes ago was Any Way That You Want Me by Radio Company (in my recently added itunes playlist).

Last series: I just finished The Good Place on Thursday. It was wonderful.

Sweet, savory, or spicy: Sweet, always.

Craving: cheesecake

Tea or coffee: frappuccinos, Earl gray tea, chai lattes

Currently working on: getting things together to close out my office so I can get a job that doesn't make me feel ways I'd rather not get into on this post.

On a lighter note, I'm also working on part two of this fic series.

No pressure tags (idk who's done this yet or not): @the-bubble-jesus @zeeimpalaangel @cockles-is-pure-love @alcooloki @taenavia

154 notes • Posted 2021-07-25 03:53:16 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Lol even though this is my main not my spn blog - spn tags are still the most used

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waywardnerd67 · 4 years ago

Text

Everlasting

Summary: People always said that Hollywood was a whole other world. Soon, (Y/N) was about to find out just how different Hollywood could be. Characters: Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Misha Collins, Reader Pairing: Jensen x Reader Warnings: AU/Fluff/Angst Word Count: 5564 Prompts: “Loving me is a death sentence.” / “We found each other. That’s all that matters.” A/N #1: This is for @supernatural-jackles SPN Bi- Weekly Writing Challenge. Don’t judge me… I’ve been rewatching/rereading Twilight. *ducks from flying objects* A/N #2: Jensen Photo Edit Credited To: @justjensenanddean

I stopped in front of the Stage One door, looking up at the massive building in front of me. The last month had led up to this very day. I was hired on by Warner Brothers to be the Personal Assistant to Jared Padalecki while he filmed in Vancouver. Even though being a PA was a horrible job, working on the set of my favorite TV show was a dream. I had spent my days leading up to my moving to Vancouver training my inner fangirl to be a normal human being.

“Remember they eat, breath, poop just like any other human.” I whispered to myself on the plane ride from my hometown.

“Girl, please! They are sculpted from marble by the hand of God himself. Just don’t embarrass us in front of them. Make a good impression!” She commanded as if I had any control over that.

Now, standing in front of the main sound stage, my stomach coiled into an anxious knot. Trembling I took a step forward through the door and found myself looking into the Men of Letters Bunker. My inner fangirl squealed with delight urging my body to walk through the set.

“Can I help you?” A tall, dark haired man stood with a camera rig around his waist.

I cleared my throat of the large lump forming within it, “Yeah, my name is (Y/N) and it’s my first day as a PA. The studio told me to go to Stage One when I arrived this morning.”

He smiled a soft chuckle coming from his chest, “Oh you must be Jared’s new wrangler. Here I will show you where to go.”

I followed him to a small office building that had on site office staff and writers housed. He pointed me in the direction of Susan, the executive assistant to Jim Michaels. She was on the phone as she waved me into her office. Standing off to the side was another woman with long, wavy blonde hair. Her fit body was covered by a simple pair of dark jeans, soft chocolate sweater and black knee high boots.

She stuck her hand out towards me, “Hi, I’m Ash. You must be Jared’s new PA.”

Shaking her hand I nodded, “I’m (Y/N).”

“I’m so excited you’re here. Now I don’t have to keep my eyes on both of them. I’m Jensen’s PA so you’ll be hanging with me quite a bit.”

Susan ended her call smiling up at the both of us, “Fantastic, you’re here! I will go with you to meet Jared and then you can shadow Ash for this week. How did your move go?”

“As well as could be expected moving from Kansas to Vancouver. My apartment is amazing.” It was the truth. The apartment Warner Brothers provided was twice the size of the one I had in Kansas.

Ash chuckled, “Yeah it’s nice until you have two Texans crashing your place at all hours.”

My eyes must have widened because both ladies began to laugh, “I haven’t told anyone that you are a fan, (Y/N).”

“Oh… yeah…” I felt my cheeks burning and my inner fangirl was doing cartwheels.

“We’ll keep that between us for now. Jensen and Jared will eat you alive if they found out that juicy piece of information.” Ash chuckled as I noticed Susan flinch slightly.

They led me back towards the row of trailers, the first of which, they stopped and knocked on the door. My heart was beating against my chest and my hands began to shake as the door opened. There stood Jared Padalecki in all his 6’4” glory. His chestnut hair damp from a shower, his light gray t-shirt clinging to his sculpted body and the waistband of his boxers peeking out from his low hanging jeans.

I sucked in a shaky breath making Ash chuckled beside me

“Jared this is your new PA, (Y/N). Be nice.” Susan warned, narrowing her eyes at him.

His laughter echoed around them, “I’m always nice. It’s great to meet you (Y/N). Susan and Jim have told me great things about you. Hopefully, we’ll be great friends.” He held out his hand to me.

When I placed mine in his, the heat coming off of it surprised me. The corner of his lips curling upward into a sly smirk. His hazel eyes caught my attention as flecks of emerald and sapphire seemed to shine. He let go of her hand taking a step towards Ash then leaning down to kiss her kiss.

“Now I see why you needed a new PA.” I mentioned as they both smiled at me, “I look forward to working and getting to know you.”

“Me as well. Are you taking her to meet grumpy pants?” Jared looked at Susan who brow was furrowed at the interaction.

Ash groaned, “Oh no, I thought after last night he would be in a better mood.”

Looking from Susan to Ash it seemed everyone was in on the secret except me, “I’m sure we don’t need to bother him before filming. I can always meet him another time.”

“I’ll take her over to meet him. I need to check in with him anyway and it will be a good experience for her.” Ash reached up giving Jared a quick kiss then stepping away from him.

“I think you have this under control, so if you need anything (Y/N) just come to my office. Please check in with me when you’re done with your day.” Susan did not wait for a reply and walked back towards the offices.

Jared chuckled, “You’d think after all this time that she would be used to us. Ugh!” Ash smacked him in the stomach giving him a stern look.

“Come on (Y/N), let’s go meet Jensen.” Ash and I waved goodbye to Jared.

We walked a couple of trailers down and again my heart began to race. I tried taking a few deep breaths to calm down but the moment she knocked on the door all the air in my lungs vanished. The door opened and Jensen Ackles looked down at us.

“Ash, why so early?” His velvet voice sent shivers down my body.

A slight breeze blew past us and his lean body went rigid. His bright olive eyes darkened to a deep forest green. His fists were clenched at his sides and I could see his arms trembling. Jensen narrowed his menacing gaze at me freezing me in place.

“Go. Away. Now.” He seethed going back into his trailer and slamming the door.

Wide eyed and stunned, I turned to Ash who was looking perplexed, “(Y/N) why don’t you go to craft services. Tell them you want Jared’s usually breakfast and bring it back to his trailer. I will meet you there.”

“O-Okay.”

Ash directed me to where craft services were and the wonderful owners started chuckling when I asked for Jared’s usual. I carefully balanced three cups of coffee atop of three styrofoam containers filled to the brim with eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, muffins and a small cup of fruit. Before I could knock, Ash opened the door to let me inside.

“Great job! My first day, I spilled the coffee.” Ash began to open the containers taking some food for herself and one of the coffees.

She handed another one to me with a soft smile, “Where’s Jared?”

“He’ll be back. He’s having a heart to heart with Jensen. For today, I would just stay clear of him.” I nodded sipping my coffee as Jared came back in frowning.

The morning and afternoon flew by as the guys began filming. Taking Ash’s advice, I made sure to stay out of Jensen’s way and even his line of sight. Not that it mattered because he was permanently in a foul mood for the day. Finally, around six o’clock Ash sent me to see Susan saying she could handle the rest of the evening filming.

Making my way to the offices, I had not seen Jensen for a while and as I made my way to Susan’s office I could hear his velvet voice coming from Jim Michaels’ office.

“She has to go.” He hissed, my heart dropping to my stomach.

There was a long sigh, “She comes highly recommended and honestly she is over qualified to even be a PA. She’s smart, talented and in need of getting her foot in the door. You better than anyone know that starts from the lower level. Did she do something or see something?”

Jensen let out a dark chuckle, “She hasn’t seen anything. She seems naive.”

“Then what’s the problem Jensen?”

There was a long pause before he answered, “She exists, that's the problem.”

I had heard enough and walked towards Susan’s door knocking before entering her office. She was packing up for the day when she looked up smiling at me, “How’d it go?”

I put on my best smile, “Jared and Ash are great. Even Misha behaved himself.”

“Jensen?” She inquired looking as if she were trying to see under my mask.

I squared my shoulders back determined to make this work, “Fine. I know my place and will keep my distance. He’s not who I have to worry about, so all that matters is how I keep Jared on time and in line.”

Susan seemed impressed by my answer then pulled out a manila envelope from her briefcase, “Legal didn’t have this drawn up at the time of your hiring. You will need to read this over and sign it by tomorrow morning.”

I took it from her, “Of course. I will have it for you first thing in the morning. Have a good night.”

Walking out of her office, I made sure Jensen was nowhere in sight. Feeling confident he was gone, I made my way towards my car. Looking down towards the ground as I walked past the row of trailers, I did not notice the black SUV behind me. The honk startled me as I tripped over my own feet landing firmly on my ass.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. Just needed you to move over a little.” I recognized the driver as Jared and Jensen’s bodyguard/driver, Clif.

The back window slid down as I stood up and Jensen’s dark eyes pierced through me. As they began to pull away I swore I heard a low hiss coming from him. I hurried to my car and drove off the lot as fast as I could. It was not until I was on the highway that my fired nerves finally started to calm down. I knew there was nothing special about me but having my favorite actor despise me sapped all hope out of my heart.

Once I was parked in my spot at my apartment building, I was standing at the elevator when the doors slid open revealing once again the gorgeous man who seemingly hated me.

“Are you following me?” He asked, walking directly at me glaring.

I stepped back, “No I-I’m not. The studio is renting an apartment for me here. I h-had no idea you lived here until Ash mentioned it this morning.”

He ran his hand over his sandy, brown hair, “Why did you take this job?”

His question took me by surprise for a moment, deciding honesty was the best policy, “I wanted to be a part of my favorite show and I wanted to learn more about the business. No better way than to start at ground level and work my way up.”

“Favorite show, huh? So, you like monsters?” He chuckled as if he had told himself a joke.

“The monsters are cool, I guess. I’m more invested in the story of the brothers. Plus there’s no romance in Supernatural which is nice.” I watched as his shoulders relaxed briefly.

His eyes glanced around then came back to me, “You don’t like a love story?”

“No. I’ve had my heart broken too many times. I’d rather escape into a world of monsters than deal with matters of the heart.” My own heart betraying me as it thumped against my ribs.

Standing in front of him now, Jensen was truly striking. His sharp facial features, fair skin, plump red lips and muscular body had my own body aching in ways it had not in years. He was beautiful.

“I should go.” He abruptly left walking off towards the street.

As soon as he was out of sight, I sucked in a deep breath willing my body to move towards the elevator. That night my dreams were filled with dark alleyways and forest green eyes.

Over the next several weeks, I fell into a regular routine on set with Jared and Ash. I kept to my word that I avoided Jensen at any cost, but had noticed he was continually coming around me more. At first, I thought it was just because of Jared, but then I noticed he was coming around when he was not needed on set.

My inner fangirl was urging and encouraging me to talk to him. Then my first time meeting Jensen flashed through my mind and kept me far away from him. The last day of filming for the week was a night shoot. Ash and I were constantly running to get coffee for ourselves and the crew to stay warm. Jared every once in a while would pull us both into a bear hug allowing his body heat to warm us up. We were in the middle of a forest as Jared and Misha were filming a scene and I was trying everything in my power not to chatter my teeth.

“You’re going to freeze to death.” His smooth voice brought heat to my cheeks.

I pulled my coat around me tighter, “I-I’ll be al-alright.”

His perfect lips pursed together before he slid his jacket off his shoulders, “Here take this,” He stepped just close enough to drape his large jacket over my shoulders.

“T-Thank you.” I slipped my arms inside surprised that it was slightly chilled still.

We stood there in silence watching as Jared purposely messed with Misha’s takes, “Children.” Jensen muttered as I chuckled.

In a rare moment I witnessed him smile brief and my inner fangirl sighed gracefully falling onto a lounge chair, “You have a great smile. It’s nice to see it.”

Jensen rolled his eyes, “Yes well, I’ve recently come to the realization that instead of trying to fight fate I should just embrace her cruel destiny.”

I raised an eyebrow at him confused, but decided it was better I remain silent. What did he mean by fighting fate? What destiny? My heart began to race as hope filled my chest. There was something about the way he had been acting and what he said that gave me hope he was talking about me. The director wrapped for the night and we made the trip back to the studio.

Just as my luck has always been, when I got to my car it would not start. I was one of the last people to leave the studio in the early hours of the morning. Trying to decide if it was worth calling a cab or just sleeping in my car. I was leaning towards the latter of the two.

“Everything okay?”

I yelped turning quickly to see Jensen stopped in his car, “Jesus, you scared me.”

He chuckled before shutting his car off and coming towards mine. He lifted the hood and began checking through everything, “Looks like it could be your starter or alternator. We can have one of the mechanics look at it Monday morning.”

I sighed heavily, “Great… just great.”

“Come on, I can give you a ride back to our building.” His genuine smile dazzled me for a moment as he closed up my car and went to open the door to his car for me, “(Y/N)?”

“Um, yeah that would be great. Thank you.” I got into his car shivering from how cold it was inside.

Jensen turned on the heat and took off down the main street towards the highway. His large hands gripped the steering wheel tightly but the rest of his body seemed relaxed. A wave of fear crashed into a wave of excitement of being in close proximity to him. My inner fangirl and mine’s curiosity was getting the better of us from earlier.

“What did you mean by embracing fate’s cruel destiny?” I thought maybe he had not heard me as a silent tension filled the air between us.

“Did you sign the NDA they drew up for you?” Answering a question with a question was a pet peeve of mine but I let it slide.

I turned slightly in my seat, “Yes, though I don’t understand why I needed to sign one. It was clearly stated in my new hire paperwork not to speak of any upcoming episodes or scripts.”

Again, his soft laughter had an edge to it, “The NDA has nothing to do with the show or network. It is something our managers and agents have in place to protect us.”

“You mean protect you and Jared? Why would you two need protecting?” Suddenly images of Jensen starring in his very own version of Fifty Shades of Grey filled my mind and my cheeks burned.

We were approaching our exit and I knew my time would be up with him, but I did not want to leave. He remained silent until he parked in his space within our garage. He turned towards me, his eyes downcast and shoulders slumped forward. If I had not known any better, I would have thought he was upset or in pain.

“Jensen, anything you or Jared would tell me or I would see would strictly be between us. I don’t need a NDA to keep private matters private. I have more respect for both of you that I would never want anyone running your names through the mud of public opinion.”

I reached out my fingers briefly brushing against the back of his smooth skin. A small gasp escaped my lips from how cold he was even with his heater on. He pulled his hand away from me quickly getting out of his car. I followed him towards the main street where he finally stopped.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” He held up his hand to silence me.

Turning back towards me, his eyes were dark once again but not threatening unlike when we first met. No, there was something else. Something I did not recognize, but it made my heart race with anticipation.

“Tomorrow, I promise to explain everything. I will come by to get you around ten o’clock.” Jensen hesitantly brushed the back of his fingers against my cheek and instinctively I gravitated towards his embrace.

He quickly took off down the sidewalk leaving me with a million questions and yearning I had never felt before. In a daze I made up to my apartment and into my bed. Sleep did not come easy and when it did my dreams were vivid, sensual.

True to his word, there was a knock on my door at ten o’clock on the dot. I opened my door inviting him in as I finished getting ready.

“I’m sorry about my place being a mess.” I mumbled going back into my room to grab my coat.

I heard me laugh, “Quite alright, I mean Jared’s place is a pigsty.”

When I walked back out, I watched as his bright olive eyes traveled the length of my body. I nervously fidget with the strings on my coat as a slow smirk spread across his face. Jensen was dressed in a simple black hoodie, dark denim pants and black boots. A pair of dark Ray Bans hanging from the collar of his hoodie. Even dressed down he looked like a runway model.

We walked to the elevator, an empty car arriving, and as we stepped in the tension between us was nearly unbearable. I shifted from one foot to the next avoiding his intense gaze. With lightning speed, Jensen had me caged against the wall and his lips pressed against my throat.

“Jen-Jensen…” I sighed breathlessly as he dragged his nose up my neck to under my ear.

“Dammit, I promised myself I would not lose control around you, but…” he paused taking a deep breath in making my legs tremble, “you smell divine.”

As quickly as the moment had happened it was over as the elevator doors opened. Jensen was on the other side of the car looking unphased by what had happened. Whereas I was trying to remember how to breath and walk at the same time. His low chuckle and smug smirk made me smack his rock hard bicep.

“Ow.” I muttered making him laugh even harder. The pain was worth it to hear his musical laughter.

Instead of going to the garage, Jensen led me towards the sidewalk. He slid his dark sunglasses over his beautiful eyes and pulled his hood up over his head. I figured this was so no one would recognize him from the show. We walked side by side towards a nearby park. Our hands would brush against one another until finally he took mine in his pulling me closer to him. Leading me to a spot just off the Vancouver Harbor.

The sun was shining bright warming my skin then a cold breeze from the water would make me shiver. We sat at a clear spot sitting silently next to one another staring out over the water. Jensen gently pulled me into his side and draped his arm around my shoulder.

“Well, this is much better than when I first met you.” I whispered leaning my head on his shoulder.

I felt him press his lips and nose against the top of my head inhaling deeply, “Yes, well when we first met I wasn’t expecting you to be so… appealing.”

I sat up looking at him, “What does that mean? I feel like you are talking around me and I don’t like that.”

He sighed, pulling his hood down further as the sun shined brightly over us, “It’s only because the truth would send you running far, far away.”

“I told you, anything you tell me is between us. You have my word and a signed NDA for a safety net.” My inner fangirl and I were desperate to know what secret he was holding back. She was practically jumping on the lounger within my mind.

“When Eric Kripke came up with the idea of Supernatural, he had no idea how close to being right he was.” He pulled his sunglasses down his piercing out looking over them.

I swallowed the small lump lodge in my throat, “So you’re saying that supernatural creatures are real or that hunters are real?”

He smiled, pushing his glasses back up, “I guess hunters could be real, but then humans would have to acknowledge the fact that monsters were real.”

“Monsters… like you?” Suddenly a lot of his behaviors were making sense even if my mind could not wrap around the fact that monsters were real.

He nodded, “Does that scare you?”

“No.” My answer came quick and firm. I was not afraid of him. I knew he would never harm me. Somewhere deep within my heart and soul, I knew I was right where I belonged.

“You should be. I’m a dangerous creature even more so than Jared.” He looked out towards the water, “Mainly because Jared is just a big dog. All cute and cuddly as Ash would say.”

“Jared is a… werewolf?” I could not quite believe the words coming from my mouth, but his nod answered my question, “Then you are…”

Jensen faced me baring his teeth as his fangs grew slightly longer than the rest. I sucked in a breath as he closed his mouth, “Now you’re afraid.”

“No. More mesmerized than anything. You’re… you’re a vampire.” The awe in my voice could not be helped. I spent most of my life reading grand tales of mythical creatures and humans falling in love with them. Now, I was in the middle of my own fairytale.

He scoffed, “Mesmerized? I’m an undead murderer and you're in awe of it.” He looked away in disgust.

“I’m in awe of you. You’re obviously drawn to my scent and yet here you sit next to me. You could have ended me at any time these last few weeks but you haven’t. Hell, in the elevator that could have been it, but all you did was… kiss my neck. I’m in awe of your strength and will power.”

Jensen's expression softened and he pulled me back into his side, “It’s difficult being around you. When I first met you, I had never wanted a human so much in my life. First it was my primal need, but now…”

“Now what?” My heart skipped a beat as hope filled my chest.

“Now, I have this overwhelming need to protect you and be by your side always.” His jaw clenched as he spoke the words.

I reached up brushing my hand against his cheek, “Why is that so hard for you to say?”

He leaned into my touch, “Loving me is a death sentence. The thought of losing you is insufferable.”

Jensen’s forehead pressed against mine as I whispered, “We found each other. That’s all that matters.”

“You’re ridiculous, you know that right?” He chuckled, easily lifting me onto his lap and wrapping his arms around me.

“I’ve been called worse. Tell me more about your life.”

For the next several hours, Jensen told me all about his life from his rebirth in 1920 to how he and Jared became best friends. I hung on every word of every story he told and it was not until my stomach began to growl from hunger that he finally stopped.

“You should eat.” He easily picked me up as he stood and set my feet on the ground.

I looked away from him, the anxiety building in my chest knowing we would have to part ways soon. He laced his fingers through mine and led me back towards the main sidewalk. When we arrived at our building, I was having a difficult time keeping the tears that threatened to fall back. Once again, as we stepped into the elevator, the air tightened around us.

“What is it about elevators?” he muttered making me laugh as the very thought had gone through my head.

When we went past my floor, I looked over and saw a smile on his face. We stopped at the very top floor both sighing as we exited the elevator. He pulled out his keys and opened the door for apartment 1520.

“I thought it was only fair if you saw my place as well.” Jensen held the door open for me as I walked in.

The layout was open and bright with one wall being all windows. His furniture was dark gray with steel blue and navy accent pillows. He had a big flat screen TV with a few game consoles. What caught her by surprise was the wall of records and record player he had. I turned back around to see him anxiously watching me.

“Not what I expected from a vampire.” I walked towards his flawless kitchen and looked untouched which I guess was to be expected.

“Were you expecting a coffin and velvet?” His smile was infectious as I nodded.

Taking off my coat, I sat down on his couch as he walked off towards his bedroom. Jensen came back in with his tablet and a blanket. He placed the blanket over my and sat next to me.

“Order whatever you would like for dinner. Don’t worry about paying for it because I insist.” He chuckled as I rolled my eyes.

Deciding to order from my favorite pizza place I handed him the tablet to put his payment information in, “What do you eat?”

“Finally! The question I have been waiting for all day.” He exclaimed, “Are you sure you want to know?”

I nodded, “If I’m diving head first into oblivion then I want to know everything.”

“Brave woman. I still drink blood, but that which is donated. There are certain organizations within the acting community that are set up for actors such as myself. We go to grab our supply of ‘food’ and then we store it in our homes.” He pointed back towards the refrigerator, “All of it is from blood drives once the hospital receives its share then we buy the remainder.”

It was better than him stealing blood like Benny in Supernatural or drinking animal blood like Edward in Twilight, “Oh okay then. At least I won’t be surprised if I open the fridge now.”

There was a sad undertone in his laugh, but I chose to ignore it, “What about Jared and Ash?”

“Ash is human, but she seemingly blossomed at the end of last season. Jared was immediately drawn to her and they spent most of the summer at his cabin near Red Rock Point, Montana.” Jensen bit his lip smirking.

“Why?” I knew there was more to what he was saying but he seemed almost embarrassed to speak of it.

He sighed pulling me closer to him, “If you had asked me that question a month ago I would have given you a snarky answer about not being able to control his inner animal, but now… now I know better.”

I leaned my head against his shoulder, “Meaning…”

“Every few months, Jared would go into what he calls a rut. His need to procreate becomes overwhelming and he has to be off on his own as a wolf to deal with it. Now, he found his mate and one weekend a month they will go off to his cabin to… you know…”

My inner fangirl was begging on her knees for Jensen to say the words out loud but I just nodded, “I get it. Why is it now that you know better than before?”

I looked up into his shining eyes captivated as he leaned closer to me, “Because now I know exactly how Jared felt when he found Ash.”

His perfect full lips were inching closer to mine. My tongue darted out over them just before his were going to touch them then his door intercom buzzed. A small growl escaped his lips as he quickly got up buzzing the delivery man in. I found myself trying to take deep breaths to collect myself as my inner fangirl was hyperventilating.

“Dinner is served.” He said placing the box down on the table.

“I’m not hungry right now.” I said as he sat back down next to me.

He laughed, “Eat before the alien in your stomach pops out and eats the pizza for you.”

I narrowed my eyes at him before lifting the box open and grabbing a slice. Settling back into his side, he turned on his Netflix account. His fingertips trailing down my arm as I took a bite.

As I was taking a second bite he leaned in whispering into my ear, “There will be plenty of time to test my will power later.”

I shivered, truly no longer hungry for food. I placed the piece of pizza back in the back turning towards him, “What would happen if I took initiative and kissed you?”

He turned into a stone statue as he stared at me, “That would be a very dangerous thing to do.” He spoke slowly with a hint of challenge in his tone.

My inner fangirl was cheering me on as I pushed the blanket onto the floor and swung my leg over his lap sitting on his thighs. His ice cold hands gripped my hips as I leaned down my lips hovering his. There was a brief moment where time stood still then it was as if a rubber band snapped. His lips crashed against me and his arms wrapped around my waist holding me against him. He groaned as if in pain and I pulled away from him.

“Since I’m breaking all my rules and going to hell…” He whispered and in a flash we were both tumbling onto his bed.

That night was the best one of my life. Jensen may be a primal killer but with me he was nothing short of a gentle lover. I knew from that moment, I would do anything to remain at his side forever. Just like every cliche movie or book trope where the meek, naive woman falls in love with a monster that has a heart gold. I found myself in their exact shoes desiring an everlasting love affair with a vampire.

On Monday, when Jensen and I arrived at the studio, Jared and Ash were waiting by his trailer. No words were spoken between them but by the smiles on their faces I could tell they knew what was going on between Jensen and I.

“You owe me twenty bucks Padalecki.” I heard Ash as Jared grumbled.

Jensen and I laughed as we walked to the studio building to meet with the executive producers and legal team concerning our newly starting relationship together.

If you enjoyed this story then check out my Masterlist!

My Nerd Herd: @waywardbaby @ladywinchester1967 @akshi8278 @ericaprice2008 @deans-baby-momma @spnbaby-67 @dean-winchesters-bacon @carryonmywaywardcaptain @-lovepeacenhope- @destiel745 @carribear31 @srsllydunnodoncare @whimsicalrobots @thisismysecrethappyplace @starstruckzonkoperatorbat @adoptdontshoppets @mrswhozeewhatsis @bella-ca @drakelover78 @imascio08 @pisces-cutie @dwgrl1903-blog @mannls @the-salty-asian @winchesterprincessbride @xostephanie @superromijn @witch-of-letters @time-travel-bouqet @screechingartisancashbailiff @myinconnelly1 @sister-winchesters99 @thekatherinewinchester @maddiepants @tumbler-tidbits @sandlee44 @destielhoneybee @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @thefaithfulwriter @stoneyggirl @supernaturalginger @emoryhemsworth @wednesdayismyfunday @team-free-will-you-idjiot @atc74 @cosicas-cuquis @casseythebee

#SPN Bi-weekly writing challenge #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles fanfic #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles fluff #jensen ackles angst #jensen ackles au

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incurablehumanist · 4 years ago

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Humanism and SPN: a match made...on Earth?

so i think it’s time i explained this blog’s whole idk theme. it’s raison d’etre, if you wanna get fancy abt it. like, it’s prolly pretty obvious (it’s literally in the name) but i still wanna break it down and make sure people really get where i’m coming from. this is also something i wanna talk abt a lot during my Great Rewatch so i think it would help to have something to refer back to when this topic inevitably comes up in future. let’s dive in, shall we?

despite Supernatural being a show about, obviously, the supernatural, I wholly believe that it is, at it’s core, a story about Humanism (the philosophy). or it’s a show based on the same foundations as Humanism (the philosophy). or it’s just very, very, Humanism (the philosophy) friendly. either way, as a humanist it gives me ALL the feels and I really, desperately want to talk about it, so that’s what i’m gonna do!

to get specific, I’m talking about modern Humanist philosophy, frequently referred to as “secular humanism”. you can find a good overview of what that means on the American Humanist Association’s website, especially their 3 Humanist Manifestos (available to read here, here, and here. the last of those is the current manifesto as accepted by the AHA, but all of them provide good context of what Humanism means as a whole). this is as opposed to Renaissance or Religious Humanism, which have notable differences, though tbh a case could be made for religious humanism bc of the whole “god is canonically real in SPN” thing. When I talk about Humanism though I’m almost always gonna be talking abt modern “secular” Humanism. also i can literally never decide whether humanism should be capitalized or not so expect lots of waffling on that. now tbh I'm not super educated on Humanism as a philosophy beyond the manifestos and what can be found with a cursory google search, so I'm gonna be learning more abt it as I go, but i understand it enough (and have considered myself a secular humanist for long enough) to have Opinions. I’m hoping that as I examine the show through this lens i’ll both gain a better understanding of Humanism as a philosophy as well as how supernatural relates to it. no promises that anything good or coherent will come of it but I'm excited to see where it leads me! also if you too have Opinions on this topic I would absolutely looooooooove to hear them. seriously. hit me up. finally, for context, i’m gonna include some quotes about Humanism which I think best exemplify its ideology and will hopefully give people unfamiliar with it an idea of where I'm coming from/why I think SPN is such a perfect representation of it. I also highly recommend reading the manifestos on AHA's website, since they’re basically the horse’s mouth when it comes to the modern (Western) Humanism movement. beyond it’s relevance to SPN as a narrative, it’s also just a beautiful perspective on life, and it always makes me happy to read about it. like you’re about to do right now! here we go: "While there is much that we do not know, humans are responsible for what we are or will become. No deity will save us; we must save ourselves." – Humanist Manifesto II (1973) "Humanism is the light of my life and the fire in my soul. It is the deep felt conviction, in every fiber of my being that human love is a power far transcending the relentless, onward rush of our largely deterministic cosmos. All human life must seek a reason for existence within the bounds of an uncaring physical world, and it is love coupled with empathy, democracy, and a commitment to selfless service which undergirds the faith of a humanist." – Bette Chambers, former president of the AHA "Humanism is an approach to life which encourages ethical and fulfilling living on the basis of reason and humanity, and rejects superstition and religion. The most immediate impact of living as a Humanist is that we believe this life is all there is - so what we do and the choices we make really count." – Stephen Fry "Humanists recognize that it is only when people feel free to think for themselves, using reason as their guide, that they are best capable of developing values that succeed in satisfying human needs and serving human interests." – Isaac Asimov "Does religion fill a much needed gap? It is often said that there is a God-shaped gap in the brain which needs to be filled: we have a psychological need for God -- imaginary friend, father, big brother, confessor, confidant -- and the need has to be satisfied whether God really exists or not. But could it be that God clutters up a gap that we'd be better off filling with something else? Science, perhaps? Art? Human friendship? Humanism? Love of this life in the real world, giving no credence to other lives beyond the grave?" – Richard Dawkins "There is nothing new about humanism. It is the yielding to Satan's first temptation of Adam and Eve: "Ye shall be as gods." (Gen. 3:5)" – Billy Graham, Christian evangelist (lol)

#my meta #humanism #secular humanism #narrative meta #gonna have as many different meta tags as i have posts on this blog lol #the great rewatch

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lovemishjen · 4 years ago

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Reading reviews of 15x20 on IMDB is so cathartic

this can't be serious

15 years of character development right out the window. i watched the episode with zero expectations and still managed to get disappointed. can't believe not a single person during the steps of its production stopped and said "hold on...are we sure this is how we want to be remembered"

***

I feel like I got lobotomised

This episode gave me covid, I also feel like Sam's wig had covid.

***

They had all the pieces for a beautiful ending and instead took a 180 and drove the show into the ground

Even my worst imagined ending was better than this. All the character arcs were forgotten for season 1 nostalgia. It was so out of character. Nothing like Dabb's other episodes. What happened?

***

Pulling the ending out of a Cards Against Humanity deck would've been better

This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with rebar to the back and a party city clearance wig.

***

2020 please stop

After 15 years that's how you ended a great show ??????? terrible

***

supernatural wanted to beat game of thrones for worst series finale and it shows.

The supernatural series finale felt like it was one big april fool’s joke except it's november and nobody's laughing.

***

If I could give this negative stars, I would.

Some of the most awful writing to come out of this entire series. I don't know what Andrew Dabb was thinking. Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki deserve accolades, they put on an acting clinic, but even their phenomenal performances cannot salvage this entirely and that is the real crime here. Fifteen years of character development thrown in the garbage, the themes of family not ending in blood, of "good things do happen" (hope against all odds, survival), and the meta narrative around the Winchesters beating the Author to finally write their own story right along with it. And that's not even going into the other relationships and characters which were dropped like hot potatoes as though the entire season prior was irrelevant. This wasn't just Covid, either. From statements given by cast and crew and Dabb himself, this ending was planned even prior to the pandemic, so using that as an excuse rings extremely hollow. Now I understand why Jensen said he was unhappy with the ending - turns out, he was right to.

***

I laughed I cried it was worse than Bugs

I don't even want to talk about it. Save yourself time, and go find a better ending on Ao3.

***

The bar was so low. Yet they still managed to get underneath it.

Worst series finale I've ever seen. Truly, it could not have been worse. The GOT ending is a masterpiece compared to this.

***

bro what ???

Why did these last two episodes feel like a fever dream? they were so out of character. season 15 was about defying destiny, but in the end they all became exactly what they were supposed to be, kinda horrible lazy writing if u ask me.

***

First time i cried while watching smth because it was that bad

I can't believe people get payed for that level of writing. 15-year-olds on AO3 do better. SPN wasn't good last several seasons but that series finale just hit the bottom broke the floor and descended to writers's hell

***

Sorry Jensen

Dean deserved so much better. He fought for other people all his life then he fought for his own free will and never got to live for himself for more than a week before being killed off in such a mundane way for shock value.

***

Only 1 star and it's for the dog

Terrible ending. Basically forgot all the character developments? I feel bad for the cast, after all those years their characters deserved a way better ending than that.

***

Defeat God, and you'll be murdered by a NAIL.

And don't even get me started on Jareds wig. He be walking around like Doc Brown.

***

THE WRITERS WERE HIGH

Why that cas-baiting? why those 'where's misha' jokes. you didn't bother to give misha a proper farewell, made cas's last scene a 'fake call from lucifer' but had the audacity to make it like "will he be there/will not he" knowing fully well that castiel is not gonna appear in the final episode. i didn't think I'd find a more disappointing ending than game of thrones, but supernatural did it. i didn't have much expectations going into the finale, but this, this was so freaking low. castiel and dean deserved better. this episode destroyed each and every story arc in 40 minutes.

***

only the sweet release of death can undo this

If i could travel back in time and euthanise myself before i ever had to suffer this flop of a finale, i would

***

is this a joke

So... i'm choosing to pretend the last 2 episodes of the show did not exist because otherwise i genuinely will never be able to enjoy the rest of the show again. jensen and jared did a wonderful job with the absolutely horrific script they were handed, but there was no saving this dumpster fire of an episode. yikes. cas and misha deserve better.

#15x20 #fans roasting spn finale #imdb reviews

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whentheynameyoujoy · 4 years ago

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Women in SPN—Is it Really That Bad?

TL;DR: Somewhat, yeah, it kinda is.

This is going to be a series of long ones, people.

Before I jump head first into this giant vat of weird toxic shit, let me say something:

The thing about most of the female characters is that on their own? They’re perfectly fine, ranging from serviceable to the occasional flash of thematic brilliance. Barely any of them qualify as “this is hateful on its face and incompetent regardless of context and the writers should feel bad for ever conceiving of it”, i.e. the normie benchmark for justified criticism. It’s only when you put these characters next to each other that a worrying pattern emerges;

Although discussions about sexism in the media were very much a thing in the mid-2000s, as well as shows with characters whose primary role wasn’t to serve a man’s needs, I can’t honestly claim that the flaws of SPN are out of the norm for its time; and

The first few seasons could really do with a PSA at the start of each episode, something along the lines of “A part of the reason why female characters are killed off or written out with such regularity is rabid superfans who couldn’t abide anything with tits brushing against J2, srsly, the writing team and the 2000s’ fan base were a match made in hell, except it wasn’t the writers who couldn’t do with bitching on their LiveJournals about the gall of women to exist in the show, choosing instead to harass the creators and actresses and wives and call them every sexist insult under the sun AND I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE HAS THERE EVER BEEN A CESSPIT AS DISGUSTING AND NUKEWORTHY AS THE SPN FANDO—“

Anyway.

SPN has a legacy (as a posterchild for not knowing when to bow out gracefully, but legacy nonetheless) and isn’t watched in 2005 but in the year of our Lord Today. Meaning that as time goes by, the issues surrounding the show’s production retreat into the background and only what’s on the screen remains, to be judged on its own merits.

So let’s run down a list of the more noteworthy and relevant female characters of the first arc, focusing on their characterization, role in the narrative, and end. In the conclusion to this series of posts, the sum of characters will be analyzed as a whole to see if there are any unique tendencies in the show’s handling of women as opposed to that of men. I’ll do this for the original five seasons as the recent finale went out of its way to say that nothing after season 5 was strictly speaking necessary so why bother.

(Also because I died of frustration in season 8 and vowed not to subject myself to any more of the post-apocalypse fanfic era)

Angels, while strictly speaking genderless clouds of energy, will be classified as men or women depending on the apparent gender of the vessel they spend most of the time riding. The same goes for demons where I also take into account their stated gender while they were alive. That’s because although beings like Meg, Ruby, Anna, or Lilith can’t technically be considered women in the show’s present day, their consistent preference for conventionally attractive and/or female vessels throughout the original arc makes claims of genderlessness essentially meaningless. For all intents and purposes, we’re watching girls and women on screen.

Baby—the only true NB of the first run

All right, time to jump.

Say hi to our ladies!

Mary Winchester

Killed in the very first scene to give the story a reason to exist, she remains an active presence throughout the first arc where she has a wide-reaching influence on the plot and characters, driving the conflict on several levels. Fleshed-out more and more with each appearance to be more than just “the dead mom”, she’s portrayed as protective, pro-active, capable, and assertive, mirroring the duo’s desire for normal life and their inability to have it. Her story comes full-circle in season 5 when the personal tragedy of her fate is embedded in the wider tragedy of the Winchester family curse and the overall theme of destiny.

Status: Dead as of s5

Importance: Major

On her own: Textbook example of fridging… and that tropes aren’t bad in and of themselves.

Jessica Moore

Comparatively, if anyone doubts fridging can evolve into something meaningful, Jess drives the point home by having no personality and no point but to prop up her boyfriend before she ends up pinned to the ceiling, the reveal of which is the most interesting thing about her entire existence. At best she’s a symbol of Sam’s civilian life, at worst an obstacle to be removed for the story to happen.

Status: Dead as of s5

Importance: Major in terms of manpain, non-existent otherwise

On her own: A cardboard cut-out, barely qualifies as a character

Missouri Moseley

A psychic and the primary reason why John Winchester even knows to wipe his ass. Appears once over the course of the first arc yet everyone wants her to come back years later—that’s how awesome she is. Has this fantastic trait of being compassionate and empathetic while not taking a single speck of shit from anyone, especially when it comes from the two main dumbos who might just as well have been raised in a barn. Is very particular about the pristine state of her coffee table.

Status: Alive as of s5, killed in s13 (wait, what?)

Importance: Major…ly wasted potential

On her own: As strong a character as Bobby Singer, and as worthy of being elevated to the main cast.

Lori Sorensen

The writers can’t figure out why anyone in the universe would care about Jess either so they insert an intentionally awkward romance subplot to convince people the time’s not yet ripe for Sam to stop grieving and start slaying. The result’s… erm… well, awkward. Lori’s naïve, sheltered, devout though accepting of her non-repressed friend, and sort of on a religious crossroads because of her hypocritical preacher father. I guess the virginal power of her virginal virginity does… something in the plot? Primarily a vehicle for Sam to mark the stages of his moving on.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Minor

On her own: A bit done. Like a bit lot. Like a “could be a trope namer” bit lot.

Meg

Boom, baby!

Arguably the chief antagonist of season 1 and one of the best things about it. The first one to point out the pervasive toxicity of the Winchester family business, so props for perceptiveness. Possesses the standard qualities of a lower-level henchman—manipulative, no-nonsense, and quietly sinister which, while not exactly groundbreaking, sets her apart from the other bad guys in the season as they tend to have no distinguishing characteristics at all. Plus Nicki Aycox makes the role seem more unique and “lived-in” by projecting a sense of understated amusement at the two main chucklefucks. Is one of S1’s turning points in blurring the lines between monsters and humanity. Has a face transplant twice—once to have revenge (good on her) and the other time to pursue someone else’s goals again before getting stomped into the ground like a mook.

Status: Alive as of s5 (?), killed in s8

Importance: Major

On her own: The actresses do most of the heavy lifting. Which doesn’t mean I don’t love watching the character burst onto the scene and announcing the end of the Winchester brand of bullshit.

Layla Rourke

A terminal cancer patient in a religious cult, she’s a more mature take on a Lori-type character and the themes of faith and doubt. Serves as a conduit for Dean’s budding survivor guilt, self-loathing, and sense of worthlessness. Is kind and cheerful, with strong hints that she’s relying on forced optimism to get through the days; also understanding of the circumstances of others while realistically freaked about the possibility of death. Weirdly, she enters the episode already in a state of acceptance and leaves it just as accepting when it’s confirmed that yeah, she’ll die soon. All expressions of anger at the injustice and senselessness are left to her mother which somewhat undermines the “struggling” portion of Layla’s character and renders the final scene where she makes peace with her fate a bit hollow.

Status: Implied dead

Importance: Minor in the overall narrative, major in the episode and Dean’s development

On her own: I want to like her, I really do, just… if only she were allowed to get pissed, once.

Cassie Robinson

Dean’s ex and that’s pretty much all there is to her. I struggle to pinpoint a single personality trait of hers—the 2000s idea of a “strong woman” and “not like other girls”, perhaps? Undermined as a love interest because TPTB don’t show the happy or any parts of her relationship with Dean so really, why should anyone care if two sniping assholes with little to no chemistry get back together? Memorable for being in a horribly scored softcore scene which YouTube tries to convince me lasts for shy over a minute, not the week I remember it to. Involved in the show’s first and last attempt at incorporating the issue of anti-black racism.

Status: Alive as of s5

Importance: Minor

On her own: She’s in the racist truck episode. ‘Nuff said.

Sarah Blake

A sophisticated people-person conversationalist with a love of high art and a deep sense of introspection. Ascends to the state of godhood by being able to pull off pigtails while adult. Bonds with Sam over responding to loss by crawling into a shell but deciding to move on. Doesn’t care for your fancy schmancy fine dining, Romeo. Isn’t ashamed to openly talk feelings which includes her explicitly asking Sam if they have a thing going on (honestly, this is such a breath of fresh air for a normcore romance). Despite being scared out of her wits, she refuses to be shoved into the helpless civilian box after learning about the existence of the supernatural; Dean creates a Pinterest wedding board in response.

Status: Alive as of s5, pointlessly dragged back to be murdered in s8

Importance: Minor in the overall narrative, major in the episode and Sam’s development

On her own: A great love interest that has enough writing behind her to fool you into thinking she’s something more.

Up next, whenever I feel like it, seasons 2 and 3!

#spn #spn critical #supernatural #supernatural critical #sexist writing #mary winchester #missouri moseley #meg masters #sarah blake #layla rourke

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